The Weirdo Freak that I Am

Fifty Shades of Love

To my loved ones: I will live for you.

It was a still day as people stood in rows as they stood in front of the coffin that was going to be lowered into the grave. Family members and friends came but at the front of all the people was a crying mother,a depressed sister who held on tight to her brother who had tears in his eyes,a three year old Sean in the arms of a sister-in-law. Friends who once laughed with utmost energy now dead silent,most with teary eyes but some still dry,in complete denial.

A best friend,standing there,supported by her boyfriend,her eyes held no life as her soul sister was taken away from her. A boy,a boy who was completely and utterly in love with the now soulless beauty was no where to be seen. He was in too much pain,too much in denial that he had went to a bar to drown in his sorrow.

Sadness,depression,pain was thick in the air.

It wasn't what I wanted! I looked at my sobbing mother my precious mother and wanted to hug her,kiss her,wanted to say I love you but could not move. This was not right! My friend's were the most energetic,crazy,beautiful,amazing people in the world. They were supposed to smile,laugh and have light in their eyes but Em....she had none. As if she was dead inside.

I fell to the ground as I cried. 'No. No. I don't want to go. I made a mistake. I don't want to be dead.' I sobbed louder than any of my family members,regret and sorrow building up on me.

'You aren't.' I froze,knowing that voice,that voice of someone close to me. I turned to see a 14 year old in the same clothes he was in when I last saw him.

'Ryker.' I whispered. Tears spilled from my eyes ' you're here to take me away.' He rolled his eyes and shook his head,'you're just imagining me dumbass and what I said before is true. You aren't dead. You're going to be in a few seconds." I saw flashes of someone over me,shouting at the other people. 'Clear!'

I widened my eyes. I got up,'I don't want to go!' I go towards him and try to hold him but my fingers pass through him as if he was smoke.

'You won't be...just hang on to your life.' He told me and I nod,'so you came to keep me alive huh?' I wiped my tears,trying to find a way to hold all those precious memories close to me,to find the will for me to live.

'You really are an idiot. No,this is all in your head,this is your last stand and you're mentally fighting a battle between the need to live and the need to fade. That's why this whole scenario.' He referred to the funeral.

'Oh.' I felt dumb and I was practically talking to my subconscious. 'Wait...why are you here,something's wrong.' He grinned. He shrugged,walking around,'your mind still on me. On him. The one who stole your heart. Blaming yourself won't help you know?' I don't look at him,mostly because I didn't want to get emotional.

'I don't care.' I whispered. He sighed,'your conscious will keep this burden for as long as you don't forgive yourself.'

I saw flashes once more,someone screaming my name.

Evan.....my eyes widened. 'Time for you to wake up.' I looked at him and nodded. I tried to pull myself out of this. To will myself to be okay,using my memories,my hopes and dreams as an anchor and Evan's voice to pull me to the surface.

___________________________

I felt my eyes fluttered as I felt a soft bed under me,my head was pounding,my mouth parched and dry as sand and I felt someone watching me. I felt someone poke at me,'her eyes moved I'm sure of it.' I heard Luke's voice and I felt the joy at the sound of my friend. There was a whack and an yelp of pain from Luke side. 'Don't poke her idiot.' I felt a smile tug at my lips as I heard Em. I wonder who else was there.