We sat at that little table in the back of the ice cream shop last summer and you looked so good. We shared a banana split and talked about everything. You told me you wanted to go to the military as soon as you graduated and my heart broke but I pushed it away and supported you the best way as I could. You told me to come with you-- that I could live on the base like other women did when their husband went to war. I felt something in me saying that it wasn't the best idea--- I said I would think about it.
God you smiled so much. You looked so in love. Your dimples in your cheek showed clearly like you were born to smile. Your eyes were bright and alert-- so excited to be planning your future with someone. Me.
You walked me home later on. It was a long walk but you had your arm around my hips and kept it there the whole way home. You held me like you didn't want to let go. It felt good. It felt good to be seen with you considering I was so shy and insecure about the way I looked. You told me you loved my body and thought I was beautiful. Thing was was that I have never believed that. I felt like I was not good enough for you and it crushed me.
I told you that I was wanting to go to college after graduation on that walk home. I didn't know what I wanted to do-- maybe a psychiatrist? I liked the idea of helping kids that have problems that no one can understand unless they have been in their shoes before. Like me.
You said you didn't want me to go far and I promised I wouldn't. I would find somewhere not extremely far and visit on weekends and breaks. It was all set.
I wish I could tell you that I wanted you to come with me but you have a year of school left after I graduate. I didn't want to leave but I didn't want to feel stuck. I wanted to do something successful with my life.
When we got to my house, you stayed with me for a little while and we watched a million movies together. We watched so many that it had already gotten dark outside and it was getting late. I took him home and he kept his hand on my thigh the whole ride there. He hummed to the songs on the radio and it made me feel complete. This is what I wanted.
