Do They Bother You? (Editing)

Chapter Six

"Lena, you're over thinking so much I think you might get a nosebleed. Settle down."

"Kam, please shut up."

"I was just saying. Jesus..."

I was curled up in bed, buried underneath a mound of blankets. My mind was replaying every single second of what had happened between James and I, and for every second the worse I felt.

He'd made me admit my feelings for him, but never once said he reciprocated them. It was all a game to him, I was sure. Why would he like me, anyway? There were so many things wrong with me, no one would ever feel that for me.

"Lena, don't do that." Kam sighed.

"Do what? I'm not doing anything."

"I can see it on your face. You're putting yourself down because you looked way too far into that kiss you and LJ shared. But he kissed you, didn't he? That should count for something."

"It's a game." I whispered. "It's nothing but a game. I've always been a game, and I'm not worth anybody's love."

"Why on earth would you say that?"

"I'm damaged goods. LJ doesn't even know the half of it."

"So tell him."

"And have him reject me for real? I might as well quit while I'm ahead."

Kam grumbled quietly, rolling over in her own bed and promptly falling asleep. I sighed and threw the covers back, suddenly feeling claustrophobic- I needed to move, needed to get away.

I found myself wandering the hallways, a thin jacket thrown over my tank top and long pajama bottoms. My feet were covered in two pairs of thick socks, and my hair was a rat's nest. If anyone saw me like this, they'd think I was insane. But then again, maybe I was.

My feet carried me aimlessly as I spent the time thinking, puzzling over what had gotten me to this place. It was hard, reliving some of the the things I'd been through. Almost like they had a mind of their own, my feet carried me toward LJ's and Finn's room. I didn't know what I was doing there, but I knocked anyway.

Almost immediately, I began to freak out. What if James answered the door? I didn't want to talk to him yet, or see him. I was about to turn tail and run when the door opened slowly, and Finn looked at me through bleary eyes.

"Lena?" He croaked. "What..?"

I pulled him out of his doorframe and gently shut the door behind us, leaving us alone in the hallway. Then I stared, too mentally exhausted to think of something to say. He stared back, clearly still too asleep to care.

"Can we talk?" I asked finally. "There are some things I need to work out, and you're a good listener..."

"Maybe LJ would be the better choice." He said, turning toward the door, but I caught his hand.

"Please." I said desperately. "I can't talk to LJ. It has to be you."

He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "Alright, I'll give it a shot."

"...And I'm worried LJ doesn't feel the way I feel, and I just don't think that he could feel that way because of the way I am." I finished.

Somehow, we'd ended up sitting side-by-side on the floor, our backs to the wall. Without my consent, my entire sad tale had managed to find it's way out of my mouth over the last half hour. My face was still yet with tears- it had been slow going at first, and only bits and pieces had made it's way out, but then some dam inside of me must have broken and it came pouring out in huge gasps.