Poems from my Demented Mind

^Silent Music

My mind is a vast land of information going in out in out in out all day long.
My head is so full of thinking that every single minute of the day is filled with random thoughts and images that force into my vision past the things truly there. The time when I'm most focused is when I'm asleep, and even then my dreams that I focus on are crazy and all over the place, making me confused and dazed in the morning.

Somehow, music has taught me to just
Stop.
To stop thinking, to stop caring, to stop everything unimportant and painful.
Music is the thing I focus on always when I begin to think too hard, when I can't see my work at school anymore, when I'm replaying all I messed up on in the day. Music keeps my head clear and focused, like a new kind of loud and blaring silence.

Sometimes this focus is a problem, like when my mom wants me to focus on dishes but the lyrics run through and I can only focus on them, now she won't let me listen and put away silverware at the same time. She thinks it's an incentive, I think it's modern torture.
It's also a problem when my dad thinks I'm being defiant when I'm sitting in my room with my headphones on and I can't hear him. He says I shouldn't have it loud enough where I can't hear him. I think in my head that that's half of the point of putting my headphones on to start with.

Most of the time I'm self conscious of others hearing my music. What if they take this opportunity to break the silence with their non-melodic opinions? What if my mom doesn't see I have my music up in the car and doesn't realize I'm not in the car with her anymore, but a soundproof room that she shouldn't break down?

My music lets my anger fizzle out. Most people think it makes it stronger. They are wrong. They just don't see why I'm angry.
I'm angry because the music was stopped. I'm angry because the song was interrupted. I'm angry because the dance in my head was postponed or forgotten.

I'm angry because the silence finally running in my head became loud and thrashing and terrifying again.

I can't hear my thoughts anymore, until you pull the cord, until you take my music, until you tell me to focus,
But I am focusing, you just can't see it, I'm focusing on the thing that keeps me calm, collected, keeps me from killing myself to get away from myself so be thankful for this beautiful silent music blaring in my ears.