SOTC - LOVE YOURSELF SERIES

1

"Take time to realize

This all can pass you by..."

Realize ,Colbie Calliat

As soon as I closed the door of my apartment, I leaned my back against it, sliding down to the floor.

He's back. He's back here.

I couldn't believe it. It had been almost 18 months since I'd seen him...16 since he'd left. And now he was back.

I shut my eyes tight and put a hand to my chest. My breath came in short gasps as I willed myself to calm down. I felt the tears sting in my eyes but I forced myself not to let them out. I refused to cry.

Chris Edwards.

I opened my eyes and looked around my small apartment. The setting sun was streaming in through and lighting the living room slightly.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the door.

He looked different but he was still the same. He had a bit of more muscle than before and he'd grown out his hair a little. He had been in a dress shirt and dark pants, a coat he held with his finger hanging over his shoulder. He looked so handsome and I almost ran towards him when I remembered that I had ended things. I had broken up with him and destroyed us.

I stood up slowly from the ground and walked to my bedroom, throwing myself on my bed, facing the ceiling. I felt an ache in my heart as I sat up and stared at the full length mirror that was directly in front of me.

Stupid.

That was what I was. I was stupid because I broke up with the only guy who loved me entirely with no conditions.

For what?

My stupid insecurities, that's what. My stupid insecurities cost me Chris Edwards and I regretted every single minute of every day.

I ran a hand through my face and then through my hair, trying to get a reign on my emotions. Standing up, I walked to my closet and stripped off my clothes and got into my sweats and a black t-shirt that I had worn so much, it was getting grey. But I didn't care. It was the only thing of his that I allowed myself to have. The other things I had put in a box under my bed, gathering dust. I sighed and decided to get dinner started even though I was not hungry.

I paused when I passed the mirror and looked at myself. I had lost a tremendous amount of weight over the past year.

I should be happy now, I thought bitterly as I tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear.

It was one of the reasons I broke up with Chris. Almost 2 years ago, I had some sort of break down. My Granma had just passed on and it was around the time of Alex's 2nd death Anniversary so her death hit me harder than it probably should have.

Uni was becoming a little tough and I was failing in half of my classes. Chris was doing all he could to help me from drowning. He stuck by me even when I was moody and distant towards him.

I had started stress eating and I had gained quite some weight and I was so disgusted with myself, but I couldn't stop.

My breaking point came in form of one of Chris's college friend called Hannah Brooks. She was a slender little thing with long sandy blonde hair and she was beautiful. I knew they were just friends with Chris and I trusted him. But she liked him more than she was supposed to. I knew it. I had seen it in her eyes a number of times. Chris and I had even had a fight because he couldn't see that she liked him.