After years of battling with depression, things were finally starting to get better. She was engaged and living with her fiancé in an upstate apartment. Things were good for them until the day he came home with a new girl and said he was going to leave her. The new girl just smirked, her hand placed tightly at his hip and leaned up to kiss him.
Days passed without anyone hearing from her. She was spiraling back down, faster than ever and there was no stopping. She quit her job as an accountant and just spent her days sitting on the couch her ex-fiancé had bought, staring blankly at the floor. Knees curled to her chest, she hugged them tightly and sniffled as she squeezed her eyes shut hoping to wake up next to him. But it wasn’t a dream. This was her life now.
After a couple months of being alone, she couldn’t even force herself to get out of bed. She was wasting away and didn’t even care. If you had seen her out in public, you would have thought she was deathly ill, which, in a way, she was. The depression had taken her over completely and she had given in instead of fighting like she used to. By now, she had gathered all the medication she could find in the house, but she couldn’t force herself to swallow enough to actually affect her the way she wanted, only numb her enough to sleep through her days.
Her mother stopped by, knocking loudly on the door. She groaned and got up, only opening the door to hear her mother bitching about how awful she looked and how bad the dishes reeked. Her mother never was one to notice obvious things. For example, how bad her depression had gotten. But it didn’t matter, well, it wouldn’t soon…
He mother left once everything was clean to her standards, even the bathroom. She looked around the spotless apartment and sighed, thinking it was probably for the better. She walked back to the bedroom, practically dragging her feet and let her body weight go, falling face first onto the bed with a heavy sigh. She couldn’t take much more and she refused to try and talk herself into holding on this time. There wasn’t a point. Or, at least that’s how she saw it. So, she grabbed her blanket and covered her entire body. Sighing heavily, she pushed herself up from the bed and dragged herself to the bathroom. She turned on the shower water before pulling off the oversized Christmas sweater she was wearing even though it was June and stepped out of her jeans.
An hour or so later, she was still sitting in the bottom of the shower stall, hugging her knees and staring blankly at the tiled floor. She picked at a scab on her leg and let her eyes slowly close as she tried to gather her thoughts, which was turning out to be an unsuccessful attempt. Frustrated, she turned the water off and stood quickly, holding her head as the room started to spin. She shook it off and got out of the shower before going back to her room, tugging on a shirt that her ex-fiancé and left behind along with a pair of shirts before walking out onto the balcony that was connected to the bedroom.
That night was spent on the balcony. She woke up when the sun had risen to its blinding point of the morning. She was cold and the dew from the morning had left her shirt slightly damp. She sighed and got up from the chair she had been curled up in. Stretching, she looked down at the people walking to work, envying the fact that they had somewhere to be, somewhere that they mattered. She sighed and crawled up on the railing, swinging her legs over to dangle over the drop. She looked down before closing her eyes and smiling to herself. She could do it now and it would be okay. She shifted on the railing and looked down again, pursing her lips as she watched the ant sized people. She scooted forward a bit, feeling her body swaying towards the drop. She squeezed her eyes shut as she let go of the bar, falling forward and towards the street. Falling through the air, she kept her eyes shut. She didn’t want to see the round that was speeding closer. She only wanted to feel the pain come and go before everything was over. She hit the ground and she was gone.
