My heart drops I let go of him and I sit up straight. I walk up to my mom quickly without missing a beat. Everything was going through my mind. What is she thinking? Did she see? What is she going to do if she saw?
I get to my mom and I stop right in my tracks and say "what are you doing here?"
"I came in here to give you your phone, you left it" she follows up. "But it doesn't matter anymore, let's go."
I walk with my feet dragging and my head down. I can feel my heart in my head. My stomach feels like it's going to fall out of my butt. I lose Jason first and now Ethan. I can't believe this. why is she so mad? Does she not want me happy? I get into the car with all of those things running through my mind.
She gives me a quick and sharp look "Why were you holding hands and laying your head on a guy's shoulder?"
"Mom, I-" I was cut off
"You're gay, aren't you?" She looks at me concerned
"Mom, yes I'm gay."
"I can't believe this," She cries out "my one and only son is gay."
"But mom, I-"
"I won't have any grandchildren from you!" She blurts out.
"Mom I'm happy! Shouldn't you be happy for me" I yell. "Ethan makes me happy! Why can't I be happy with him?"
"No, I won't allow it!" She yells at me.
I sit in silence, looking out the window crying. My life is falling apart, and I can't help it. I can't do anything.
We finally get home and I get out of the car and slam my car door. I run up to my room and slam my door so hard that it shakes the whole house and I locked my door, all I wanted was to be in my room. I didn't want to talk to anyone or see anyone. I sat by my window on my bed staring outside.
Thinking about what happened, I sit there for what felt like hours but it's only been 30 minutes.
-KNOCK--KNOCK-
"What do you want!" I yell.
"Give me your phone!" My mom yells through the door.
I get up and pass my phone through the bottom of my door. "There!" I yell with attitude.
"Dinner is ready when you-" she gets cut off.
"I don't give a shit about dinner! Leave me alone!" I yell at the top of my lungs.
The house goes quiet. I can hear her walk away. I sit back on my bed. I look over at my alarm clock to see 8:17 p.m. I lay back on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I'm not happy or sad. I'm not excited or dreading. I feel.. Nothing. I have no emotion right now. I go to sleep like I normally do, no care, no stress, I just slept, like a baby at that. The best sleep I've had in a while.
-BEEP--BEEP-
I wake up alarmed and I jump almost out of my bed. I get startled at the smallest of things now, every time something happens I feel like someone is going to hit me or something. When I realize everything is fine, I get up casually and threw some clothes on.
I walk downstairs and I try avoid every loving soul in my house. I get to the fridge and open it and of course I hear footprints coming so I run and hide around the corner.
"Chandler?" I hear my mom say.
"Yea?" I respond.
"Here's your phone." She smiles.
I come out from around the corner. "Okay?" I grab it. "Thank you?" I then walk away.
I walk into the living room and sit down and immediately get on my phone. I look for Ethan's number. I can't find it. I checked about 10 times in the E's. Still no Ethan name popping up. She's deleted him. She's such a coward. I'll just get his number back at school next time I see him.
Wait. Maybe she blocked him. I go to look at the blocked numbers on my phone and of course his name was there. I tried to unblock but something popped up and said that this number was blocked permanently through the family plan. Oh my god, I can't text him ever again.
"Are you ready to go?" She smiles and looks at me.
"Ya." I snap the ugliest look I can give to her, walk out of the door, get in the car and slam the door.
I have got to tell Ethan what happened. Maybe he'll understand and will be ok with it.
