Colossians 1:13-14
"For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of his Sons, in who we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins
× Morgan Ashleigh Ericson ×
"I really need a freebie this time." A fiend I've sold to over the years, Ruby said as she scratched ferociously at her body. "My son gets a Social Security check on the tenth. I'll have it then, I promise. I really need this shit tonight."
"I gave you a freebie the last time, Ruby and I have yet to see my money. I swear to God on my baby, if I don't have my money in 72 hours I'm going to find you and I'm going to kill you. Dismiss yourself." I waved her off as I continued to man my corner.
This is the shit I have to deal with on a daily basis. Bitches always want to test me and try to play me out because I'm a female. What they fail to realize though, is that money is money no matter if you're male, female, Black, White, Asian, Indian or polka dot. Everybody's got a hustle. If you ain't movin' right, you gon' get left. I'm Morgan, but unless you know me, know me, I'm Ashleigh.
When your only choice is to get money, what is sleep? Sleep is to me like being sober is to an alcoholic, shit is foreign. The last time I had some sleep was when I had the epidural with my son.
I get money any way I know how and every way I know how. I'm a potential drug lord, but that really ain't the goal. The goal is to be able to spend them dead presidents and provide for son. In my case, that means stripping at night, moving weight during the days and playing mommy in between. I do make sure though, that my son is never around my business. I don't take him with me to do drops or drop off weight or anything like that. I want my son to grow up and be everything that his father was, minus the career choice.
Cailyn's father, Carter was everything that I ever wanted. It's very seldom that your blessed to find your equal, but Carter was just that for me. He was the perfect gentlemen, but he had a little edge to him. He knew how to treat me and was always very concious of my feelings and he never ever cheated. Carter was a kingpin, God rest his soul. It was a few weeks after I'd had given birth to Caylin that Carter was gunned down and killed on his way home by a rival gang. It was the most heartbreaking experience for me. We were both young and in love and I had just brought a new life into the world. We were so happy, even talking about engagement and getting married. Nobody in life will EVER amount to Carter and the love we shared.
It breaks my heart everytime Caylin asks what was his daddy like, or why daddy had to leave. I just don't know what to tell him, so I tell him that his daddy was a very good man, but he had to go and be with his father and that he'll see him again someday, but for now daddy's watching over us.
I smiled at my baby sleeping. He looked just like his daddy. I chuckled a little to see that he slept like him too. He had one hand in sweatpants and one hand covering his eyes. I use to hate when Carter did that shit.
"Goodmorning, Cay." I kissed his face. "Wake up, baby. It's time for church."
With all the bad and wrong things I do in this world, I need God and I ain't ashamed or too proud to say it. Even though at times it doesn't seem like it with the shit I get myself into, God is with me on this walk. I make sure to pray everyday and keep up on my scriptures.
"Morning, mommy." He streched his little limbs.
"You hungry?" I pondered.
He nodded his head as I ran my hand over his soft waves. "Go use the bathroom and brush your teeth and wash your face while mommy makes you breakfast."
I watched as my baby walked off to the bathroom and I smiled. Through all the dark shit I do, Cay is my light. If it wasn't for him I would've given up a long time ago. That boy my world, I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for him. Probably up in Heaven with his daddy.
"Eat up so you can shower and get dressed." I kissed his cheek as I watched him stuff his face.
"Mama why you always kiss me?"
"Because I love you, baby. A kiss is a sign of affection."
"Did you kiss daddy?"
I smiled weakly."All the time."
"You loved daddy, mama?"
"I loved your daddy very, very, very, very much."
"More than you love me?"
"That's a hard one, Cay. I could never love anyone more than you or your daddy. I love you both equally. It's just a different kind of love I felt towards your daddy."
"I think you just saying that so daddy won't cry. I think you love me the best!"
I laughed. "I love you both the best."
"But you love me the bestest?"
I kissed his forehead. "Yeah, I love you the bestest, baby."
Cay is four and a half now and more vibrant then ever. He's the light of my life. I swear when I save up enough money to have us set for life, I'm giving all this shit up. All I want is to see my baby smile and know that he's taken care of the way I never was.
I grew up without a mother. She died a few hours after giving birth to me, leaving my daddy to raise me. He did the best he could, wich was a hell of a job, but he couldn't teach me how to be a woman. My biggest fear is that I can't teach Caylin to be a man. I pray and thank God all the time for my father.
I quickly got Cay dressed in one of his little tuxedos for church and sat him in front of the t.v. as I quickly slipped into a black pencil skirt and a blouse that I accompanied with a pair of red bottoms and gold accesories.
"Ready bookie?" I smiled.
"Mommy?"
"Yes baby?"
"I bet daddy really loved you. You look really pretty." He smiled that smile that brought tears to my eye.
I bent down to his level as he approached me. "Thank you, so much baby. I love you so much." I hugged his tiny body and kissed his head.
"Mommy don't cry. Why you crying?"
"You make me so happy, baby. That's why." I wiped my tears and stood up. "Let's go before we're late."
The service was beautiful today. Being in church always brings a few tears to my eyes. The pastor preached a sermon about blessings and prayers.
"If you're expecting to be blessed, we have to pray right!" He shouted. "You can't come up to the alter and pray when things start to become bad in your life! He's an anytime God and He's an on time God!"
I nodded my head as the congregation errupted in applause.
"When we pray, we can't pray the problem, we must pray the answer!"
"Pray the answer," I repeated to myself. "Pray the answer. Not the problem."
I sat in front of my mirror as I applied the last bit of mascara to my already naturally long eyelashes. I blinked one time as I studied my face. Lord knows the only reason I'm still here is to provide for Caylin.
"Their ready for you, Ice." A co-worker of mine called Sweetie spoke as she peered through my dressing room door.
I smiled slightly and nodded my head thank you. I don't have any friends here, that's not what I'm here for. I barely talk to anyone here. Money is silent. I'm not here to make friends or hear anybody's life story and I damn sure ain't here to preach mine. I'm here to provide for my baby.
Sighing, I looked at my body in the full length mirror and pushed my breasts up in the tight lingere.
"Give it up for Ice!" The MC shouted into the microphone.
I exhaled a breath as the curtains opened up and the spotlight landed on me.
Lord, forgive me for I'm about to sin.
