Shane Koyczan Poems

Tomatoes

People always ask me,
"How do you memorize all that?"
And the truth is
The first girl that I kissed tasted like tomatoes,
I know this because the second girl I kissed tasted like peppers,
It was unpleasant,
It's just I was expecting tomatoes.
When I was a kid I learnt that time slows near a black hole
Inside that black hole time stops all together
Whether or not this theory will be proved
I

'm moved to believe this would be a perfect place to love someone
In grade 4 my gym teacher gave me the nick name half-ton
It was a name that stuck
I remember it because it was the first time I ever told someone 'go fuck yourself' and meant it
He quit calling me the name after he called my house
Trying to get me in trouble for what I'd said to which my grandmother replied: "Mr shithead, I told him to say it"

I remember my grandfather blue tool kit,

Where he hid a secret stash of raisins.

I recall thinking: “My granddad has the worst taste in candy.”

But he did teach me how to tie a tie.

My first opportunity to apply this knowledge was my first date,

A seventh grade class mate, who showed up wearing acid washed jeans and a Def Leppard t-shirt.

I wore a suit and tie.

When she asked why I was all dressed up,

I told her:  “i thought it would be funny.”

I am not saying it ended badly,

But she wound up leaving me for a boy,

who could make farting noises with his arm-pit.

I’m forced to admit - he was pretty cool.

In fourth grade my teacher had a rule about speaking out of turn.

Failure to learn and practise this lesson

 would result in having to sit outside.

I know this, because I’ve tried it once.

When she finally came out to check on me, she asked:

“What was so important, that it couldn’t wait?”

Knowing that it’s rude to point,

But needing to illustrate my position,

I gestured to her chest and said:

“Your boob is hanging out.”

She quickly covered up and corrected me: “Breast.”

She was a good teacher.

When I was twelve, I was given an academic diagnostics test.

Later the instructor informed me,

I had an aptitude for history.

He looked puzzled when I replied:

“Yeah, but that was yesterday. Today I’m more interested in tomorrow.”