I detest my mental problems. I wouldn't wish them on anyone. Mental disorders are not trendy or cool, they ruin your life.
Depression- You lose interest in all your hobbies. Staring at nothing for hours is common. Personal hygiene goes out the window. Frightening visions and ideations of ending your life. Forget going to school or work, you won't have the motivation or energy. Your family and friends will be pushed away.
Social Anxiety- Constant anxiety, racing heart, sweating and shaking when around other people. Saying something embarrasing then replaying it again and again in your head which is torture. Avoiding going out with your friends, pushing them away until they give up on you.
Psychosis- The scariest experience ever. A constant nightmare you can't shut up. Having voices that no matter how hard you cover your ears, they won't shut up shouting terrible things at you. Feeling like you are losing control and start listening to the dangerous voices. Seeing things and not knowing if they re real or not. Constant paranoia and anxiety and worry as there are people out to get you.
BPD/EUPD- Going from ecstatic to suicidal in a matter of minutes is one of the hardest things to deal with. And the only way you know that works to deal with them is to slide that blade across your bare skin again and again until you are numb. One minute you can be dancing and singing to your hearts content, the next making plans to kill yourself because you feel so low and hopeless. Getting into even more problems such as debt or obesity thanks to impulsive spending and binging. Obsessing over someone and thinking they are the only thing worth living for and desperately trying to stop them leaving you even though it's imagined abandonment.
Disordered eating- Even if you are not underweight, disordered eating still causes so many problems. You are constantly tired and dizzy but a perfectionist, making school/college so hard as you want to do well but don't have the energy due to not eating anything but an apple all day. Stepping on the scale several times a day and having detailed records of everything you eat, measurements and weight. The pain of taking too many laxatives and being stuck on a toilet for hours. The internal embarrassment when you stick a finger down your throat in a desperate attempt to rid yourself of the thousands of calories you ate in an animalistic manner. But due to the cycle of fasting, restriction, binging, exercising and purging, the weight you lose you gain back again and you are stuck in the cycle and cannot get out for long before you revert back to your old ways.
And no one knows how to help you. You go through a cocktail of drugs trying to find that sweet selection that work. But often that comes with side effects almost as bad as the things they are preventing such as weight gain and tiredness.
You go into crisis, the crisis team see you and are absolutely shit, often making things worse. Until you beg to go into hospital as you don't feel safe and your family can't stay with you 24/7. They refuse and then you end up attempting to kill yourself and then finally they take you seriously, after the 3rd attempt.
