Me Discovering Me

Chapter 1: no matter what, he's still welcome

Saturday morning mother complained about father again. She sat in her room crying until she heard me come in. So I sat next to her and gave her a tight hug. "Everything is going to be alright mom, I promise." I plant a kiss on her forehead and she cries harder. Father went out last night to a bar and hasn't come back since. That's not the bad part, the bad part is knowing that he goes out and flirts with other women and more. Seeing your mother in pain is the worst thing that you can ever see. Wishing that I can give up all of my happiness and hand it over to her so that she can be happy forever. Even if that means I have to stay miserable. I bring up the suggestion of them divorcing again but she completely despises the idea. She still believes that she can fix him and make their whole relationship work out. But I know, we know that it won't ever happen. He won't settle down and focus on his family. Everything has to be about him acting as if mother and I don't have feelings of our own. "You should go out, you don't have to stay here and worry with me sweetie I'll be just fine." She untangled from our hug. Usually I argue back telling her that I want to stay and help her but I had no energy that day. I walk out the room and look over to my left. Our family picture was hanging on the wall. Mother was smiling so widely that she was glowing, I was laughing in the picture, and father was staring at us both proudly knowing that we were his. He no longer looks at us the same. The thought fades as I keep walking down the hall. I pull out my phone and text my best friend Jennifer and ask if she'd like to go hang out. She texts me instantly replying: I was already on my way anyways :). Hopefully she's down for walking today, I'm not really in the mood to be sitting down, I have to be up and about. I hear a knock at the door. "Jennifer you know you could always walk in that's why I gave you the key to our house!" I shout. "Could you just open the door?!" Immediately I realize that it's my father. I walk over to the door and open it. He looked disgusting and smelled of alcohol and his hair was all over the place. I moved aside to let him in. "Did you guys cook? I'm starving." He stalks up the stairs. "Nice to see you too." I mutter angrily. "Why is there no food on the stove?" He stares back at me. "Well you were out all night and morning I'm sure you could have bought something to eat." I close the door shut "Or maybe you used the money for a prostitute." He walks back towards me "What did you just say to me?" He says firmly. "You are so filthy. I don't have a father you're just an ignorant man that I have to live with." I make sure that everything I've ever wanted to say spills out. "I never raised my daughter to say those things you are so ungrateful I've always been there for you. I always have and now you treat me this way?! What is wrong with you? I pay the bills for this house-" I interrupt him "You're right you never raised me to say those things but you haven't raised me since I was seven years old. All you do is go out and cheat on mother. You think everything is about you but you fail to remember that mom and I have feelings too. And you're wrong you don't pay the bills around here mother and I have to since you're too busy out on the streets." I yelled at him. I couldn't stop myself from saying these things just seeing him freeze up and know that I'm right was almost perfect. Mother was always too soft with him she never argued back she always swallowed down her pride. But with him he could yell at us until the day he died and it was perfectly fine. Right now in this moment I'm proving to him that I'm not like mother and I won't stay shut. Instead of father getting too angry and hitting me he picked up a chair and threw it across the room. "That is bullshit Leila I'm trying here." He stares at me with wild eyes. "Well you have a weird way of proving it." I swallow down hard trying not to cry as I quickly open the door and run out.

Jennifer and I were walking around a park that we've been going to ever since we were six. She's been my best friend for so many years and I couldn't be more than thankful to have her. After I ran out I quickly texted her and told her to meet me up at the park. She knew something was wrong but she didn't push on questions. "So you know that girl Hayley from Widow high school?" She asked suddenly. "The girl with the red hair, right?" I questioned back. "Yeah well she's throwing a party tonight. I was wondering if you'd want to go and get your mind off things for a bit." She looked at me hopefully. "Yeah we should totally go." I smiled at her and she returned one. "What time is it now and what time does the party start?" I stop walking and face her. She pulls out her phone and checks the time, "It is currently seven and the party begins at ten." she slides it back in her pocket. "Well if we're going I have to start getting ready now because I've got to do my hair, makeup, and get the perfect outfit." I begin to speed walk. "Count me in." She said.