Memories of Jane

Chapter 3 - My Savior

I wasn't able to sleep last night. More often than not, I am unable to sleep on time and I don't see myself getting enough rest anytime soon. This has been the case for almost 15 years after I made the worst decision of my life; after Jane and I went our separate ways.

Regardless of how busy I am drafting architectural designs and painting, Jane has never left my mind; not even once.

Wherever I go, whatever I do, she enters my thoughts.

Don't get me wrong, I tried all my best to forget about her.

I focused on my job and my business; I ended up thinking how much happier I can be if I could've shared the success with her.

I traveled in different parts of the world - Europe, Asia, Africa; I ended up realising that everything could have been more beautiful if I have walked the Earth with her.

I dated other women and I hooked up with some of them; I ended up wishing it was her.

I tried to convince myself that I am over her. But the fact is, and it's obvious, I am not.

I gave up making myself believe that I moved on and decided to just live with it.

Awards? Medals? Recognitions? Money? All fortune and fame do not mean a thing. I still feel incomplete. No one else but Jane can make me feel whole again.

If Jane didn't stand up for me back then, I would not get any of these. I honestly believe I owe my success to her. But because I'm an idiot, I still left her alone. With that being said, I do not deserve everything I have right now.

Allow me to continue telling you my memories of Jane.

It didn't even take a full 24 hours before I considered my first day of college a wreck. The short and long hands of the clock already met at the center but I am still wide awake. My first class will start at 8 am in the next morning and so it was mandatory for me to get a rest. But there was a very brand new feeling that kept me awake; something unexplainable, paranormal. It was something that you would not feel every day unless a person like Jane crossed paths with you.

Vladimir and Vince were already in deep slumber. It's funny I still heard Vladimir whispered something like "Go, Pikachu!" while he's sleeping.

My clouded mind needed to be cleared if I really wanted to sleep peacefully. So I tiptoed my way to the comfort room, quietly closed the door and turned the light on. My plan was to stare at the mirror and talk to myself. Like what I said before, I do self-talking to try to understand my own thoughts and emotions.

I focused my attention at the mirror and instead of seeing my own reflection; I saw Jane's innocent, serene and beautiful face looking back at me.

I was caught off-guard and couldn't believe what I've seen so I slapped my face hard.

In that very moment was when I realised that having a chat with me about my feelings for Jane wasn't necessary. It was clearer than a crystal that I caught feelings for her so easily.

I mean... how could you explain that? I would not be flashing images of her inside my head involuntarily if there wasn't something.

The only things she knows about me are my name and my inability to answer a mathematical question. On the other hand, the only things I know about her are her name, where she came from and why she's here. Yet, I was so convinced that she's the type of girl can make me dream even I am wide awake.

I did not believe in the thing called "love at first sight". I did not even know what love for a girl actually feels. But I thought it hit me hard right in the heart. But of course, I knew she didn't feel the same about me. I'm just a weirdo with a messy hair and so I did not expect that Jane would even like to rub shoulders with me.