Camille Syanna
I pressed my back against ZA's chest with a content smile on my face. Boy, did I miss his arms wrapped around my body.
We were still in my office, sitting on a giant bean bag couch. Well, he was. I was on his lap, wearing his shirt because he removed and neatly folded my dress before placing it on the desk.
"You smell so good," he whispered, sniffing on my neck like a greyhound. "I missed you, Cams."
My heartbeat went wild after hearing his confession. It was a little too pleasant to know that we were on the same page. We were both missing each other. "You do?"
"So much," he confessed. "How are you?"
ZA hand hiked up to cup my breast and rested there like it was normal. I took a deep breath when I felt how my body reacted with just one touch. Jesus Christ! I just orgasmed in his mouth like ten minutes ago!
He must've felt the hardening of my nipple. His hand went inside the shirt I was wearing for a skin-to-skin feel. God, I loved it!
"If you want to know if I missed you too, I do." I told him. There was no point denying it. "ZA, what are we?"
"The last we talked you told me you were confused and wanted to be sure about how you felt for me." He reminded me. "So you tell me. What are we, Cams?"
I bit my lower lip. No, what I was feeling for ZA wasn't a syndrome of when I felt helpless. It was something else, something deeper than the usual, and I wasn't going to lie about how it scares me.
"I never had a boyfriend," I admitted. Well, there were few boys who tried their luck, but I was ten when I thought I loved Zanti. Since then I never saw anyone worthy of me until ZA.
"Never had a girlfriend, too." He shrugged.
Nanlaki ang eyes ko, nilingon ko siya. "You're kidding, right?"
ZA shook his head, umangat ang kamay niya to feel my cheeks and then he sighed. "I never wanted to have one because my life was a mess. I didn't want to share it with anybody."
There was too much pain and disdain in his voice that I felt bad he had to tell me that. ZA was young when the world took everything from him and was left to fend for himself. I could only imagine how difficult it was for him to navigate through life without being guided.
"Besides, my job demands so much from me. I couldn't commit to someone knowing there was a possibility that I might be gone and never return." He continued brushing his knuckles gently on the side of my face. "I know how it felt to lose someone, and I don't want anyone to care so much for me that they will grieve my death."
It was a little too late for that because I already cared enough.
"How about me?" I asked like it was my Notting Hill moment. I felt like a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her. "Do you not feel like sharing your life with me?"
"God, Cams. If you only knew," he whispered like it was too painful to say. "I want to protect you from the life I have, but at the same time I want you in every part of it. I can't hurt you, Camille. And I might end up hurting you."
I didn't understand half of where he was coming from, but I did know he couldn't decide for me. "I'm a grown woman, ZA. I think I can handle whatever shit you have. Just don't close your door on me. I am right here. We can try, can't we?"
"If we try, we're into this deep and there's no getting out," he warned. His green eyes challenged me to something he thought I couldn't handle. "Are you sure you want that?"
