The Love of Art and War {s/t - completed}

15: Holding Up The Fort

FIFTEEN
Holding Up The Fort

Eric bought me enough clothes to last the weekend, and I suspect that he wanted me to stay at his for the rest of the week, and the weekend, but since leaving his apartment to go to school a couple of days ago, I'd cooped myself up at Nahla's house, who, as always, didn't ask any questions. I had gone to Eric's classes, but I hadn't looked him in the eye and I was first out of the door so he couldn't trap me at the end. It wasn't like I was avoiding him. Well, OK, I was. But I wasn't avoiding him because I slept with him, or didn't want to talk to him or anything, but because I just needed some time to myself to rid the guilt.

On the way to school, when I left Eric's house, I knew that one way or another, whether I saw Eric for myself or Brogan, I knew that I would end up hurting Eric. I just didn't want to do that to him. But I wanted to enjoy myself. Now I'd gotten a taste of the life I was missing – a life filled with want, and lust and maybe even love – I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to just do what Brogan wanted me to do all the time. I didn't want to be controlled and forced into things. Eric never forced me to do anything. I really liked that about him. He was a great guy; I didn't want to ruin him with my complicated life.

As if that wasn't enough already, he was also my teacher. If nothing else ruined his life, if people ever found out, that certainly would stain his relationship. Although he was rich, he didn't need the money from this teaching job, he needed his reputation. What if people found out he'd slept with a student and stopped going to his gallery? What if people took it upon themselves to voice their opinions of the matter? What if something happened to him because of me? 

Now it was Saturday night and I'd managed to avoid both Brogan and Eric for a few days. I knew I had to go back to Brogan at some point, but when he'd attacked my head, something about me changed. The pull that often came with the panic wasn't as strong anymore. I was still scared to death of what Brogan would do. But there was only so much one person could take, I knew that. I didn't know what he'd do to me if he found out that I'd trashed his room. It seemed that he'd pushed my limits when he expanded his. 

"Are you going to come to church with me tomorrow?" Nahla asked. She was painting her nails, a deep red. Her feet were propped up on the desk. We'd quickly got over the fight we'd had about Jacen and the prom thing – well, for now at least. We hated to fight, even though we knew this particular one wasn't over yet. It had just been placed on the back burner because we'd agreed to just spend some quality time together. We didn't want to complicate that. 

"I think I'll go running while you're in church, if that's alright."

Nahla shrugged. "You have a key," she replied. "I didn't expect you to go, anyway." 

I thought about the key in my bag next to the key to my own house. I was glad to have it. I knew I was welcome at Nahla's any time, but I didn't want to impose. I knew I'd have to go home sooner or later. I also knew that the longer I left it before I went home, the worse it would get.

Eric's offered, the annoying voice in my head said. Yes, Eric had offered to take me in, we'd been over that, but I couldn't stay with him. He was my teacher. Now he was my teacher that I'd slept with. If it had been innocent, that was one thing, but it wasn't innocent, and it was so easy for us to get caught. I couldn't risk it, and he shouldn't think that we could, either. For both of our sakes, word that we'd slept together couldn't get out. I feared that if I didn't graduate, or get into to college, Brogan would sink his teeth in so deep; I'd be dead before I found another way to leave.