Chasing Dreams

Chapter 4~ Friends

He abruptly left. He looked at me with his head hung low,his heart burned into the fire of his sorrow and an aura of grey, a saddening , chocking mist surrounded him. It was like he was in a state of complete facial paralysis, with but one thing on his mind. My parents.

I had nothing but intuition to go on. My parents must have died a horrible and tragic death. This still isn't enough to satisfy my hunger for the truth, and 100 percent of it. I was suddenly overwhelmed by the thought of this and started to get perturbed by the rushing of adrenaline. Just as sanity was starving in the darkness of my mind
*Knock Knock*
My head reflexed and immediately turned to face the door waiting for a voice to follow.
"NARUTO TODAY IS THURSDAY.WHICH MEA-"

As soon as Thursday was mentioned hysteria overjoyed me. My thoughts,which only can be described as once a void filling with undeniable tribulation, faded away like the sound of a dragonfly's drumming wings bypassing my head. All of my thoughts were immediately eradicated and engrossed by the sensation of sheer excitement.

"I know you're there the floor board is creaking. Hurry up you homunculus infant!"

Before I knew it I was smiling. Without hesitation I can say that it was the first time I can remember not forcing a smile. I dont know what receiving love is like but I think this palpitation is pretty damn close.  I could feel my heart pounding inside my chest, each beat reminded me that I am alive, and that no matter how small,or insignificant it may seem to be,each moment is what makes up a lifetime. Im not one for believing in fate but I have to say... If  going to get free Ramen when I was feeling down wasn't, then what is?

The next day was hard. It got to the point where my heart painfully pulsates every time I faked a smile. Why should I be happy? I have no friends, Im a living punching bag, I have no family, I am constantly belittled and used as an insult like for instance:
'OMG! You're such a Naruto!' Precisely meaning you're an effing idiot.
When I arrived home I collapsed through the pain of pretending to stride with confidence, laugh at my own stupidity, be ok with the world shunning me for being me. For me to cry it's a big deal. I physically can't, I just feel so empty and lifeless that sadness doesn't seem so, well... crying worthy. Sadness isn't a big deal, its the darkness that lurks at the back of my mind which scares me. All my emotions fester inside me until I eventually erupt, with so much force and despair that once over, it makes me feel like I'm standing on thin ice, every step making it crack until again I drown and scream.

Usually I scream for a while, with my hand over my mouth, then I fall to my knees, then that's when breathing becomes difficult. Like I'm sinking able to breathe but its not enough, like with each breathe drawn I'm choking, slowly and suddenly the world stops. Desperation takes hold, along with the painful memories once too cold to touch, and its stop your ability to comprehend love and hope. You choke on memories, raining down as a constant threat to your sanity, shooting your heart until its black with the misfortune of your sorrows, shattered with pain in form of bullets and half beating with overwhelming desperation. The faster you breath the further you sink, the more the light fades, until eventually it feels like your on deaths door, with your lungs giving under pressure, darkened vision, faded sounds and flashing memories. Then you wake up, half alive, bleeding internally, but externally still shining with a deceiving radiation of joy and false smiles.
So who says smiling grants happiness?

Im known for smiling, being upbeat and lively, because I've taught myself that even tough Im portraying the opposite emotion to how I feel, for a while it distracts the fact that inside, I don't even know who I am, or why it's worth breathing.

I could hear faint footsteps outside, and whispers of whole hearted sympathy and urgency. Each noise grew louder and more noticeable against the sound of the thin wind racing to freedom.
At this time of night who on earth could it be?