The Devil Within (Newtmas)

Chapter 20

So I heard about Dylan O'Brien last night, and I'd already had a bloody terrible evening so it drove me over the edge and actually made me cry. But at least he'll be okay, and I wish him well xxx

Even though he doesn't read my fan fiction (as far as I know), I still dedicate this chapter to him, as I love this actor dearly <3

Thomas had stormed out of his therapists room soon after the declaration. He was to go home by the end of this week, and he couldn't bare that. It was still Monday, so he did have a few days left, but they weren't close to enough. He knew that he needed more time, and so he'd try to gain it. That's why he walked into the cafeteria at around six in the evening with no intent on eating, but to cause a scene like Stiles would. Stiles was the one that caused fear and created a disturbance that always landed him in trouble, but this time, it was Thomas. He needed to stay with Newt so desperately, that at this point, he was willing to lose his mind like his brother.

He tried to mimic Stiles' behavior as best as he could, walking with that small bounce in his step and the wide and arrogant smirk. His eyes were uncertain though, they weren't confident or dangerous like Stiles'. They gave him away, but only a select few would be able to see that it did. He was scared and it showed, his body shaking at the thought of causing a scene in front of so many people. Thomas hated people, he was okay surrounded by them, but for them to notice him was terrifying. Back at school, he wasn't even able to do class presentations anymore without bolting out the door. But that was a long time ago to him now.

Being inside River State had disconnected him from the world. Losing himself and giving in to Newt had made him forget the fact that he'd had an entirely different life outside these walls. Going back to something so unknown and so, well, normal, was terrifying. And for the first time, Thomas fully realized how alone he would be, and how the rest of the world had lived ahead of him while he'd stood still like a clock out of battery. Leaving meant that he was going somewhere that he used to be familiar with, but now no longer would be, as he'd been gone far too long.

Suddenly the thought of the outside world, of nature and freedom, had become his prison. He would be trapped, and there was no way out of it.

And that's when it didn't matter anymore that he'd be causing a scene. Because if it meant that he'd stay and be safe, he didn't care about everyone watching. Well, he did, but not even close to as much.

Thomas gripped onto a tray where he'd normally be placing his food, sliding it onto the surface in front of all the meals that he was to grab freely if desired. But that wasn't his plan. He sighed, closed his eyes shut tightly as he shook, breathing in and out irregularly before they opened and adjusted clearly to show what was before him. His eyes were more determined this time and less uncertain than previously, but he hesitated still before grabbing a massive bowl of lettuce (that you normally were to take just a little bit from, and onto a plate), bringing it to his chest. He looked at the glass panels before him, shielding the food partly from bacteria and whatever else, sighing one more time.

Then he brought down the bowl onto the glass, smashing it into shards that went into the food.

He moved onto the second panel, ignoring that his hands partly stung due to some glass coming in contact with his skin. Thomas managed to smash the second panel before he was being pulled back, presumably by staff, and that's where he first realized that his hands really were partly bleeding. However, the noise seemed to have suddenly disappeared and gone eerily silent, and all he could hear were the vibrations within his neck due to him screaming at whoever was pulling him back. And after that, he couldn't really remember what had happened.

Thomas was now having glass removed from his hand by a doctor that he'd never seen before. He sat on the bed for patients, anxiously moving his body as he couldn't seem to keep it still. The boy winced every time a piece of glass was removed from his skin, but it was bearable enough. He didn't exactly know when he'd ended up in this room as everything between the cafeteria and being here was a blur, but he figured that he'd just been screaming with the desperation to show his insanity.