Love Led By Loss

Chapter 20

Cancer.

Xavier Michael Jacobs had cancer.

My boyfriend of two months had cancer. 

We were taking him to the hospital to figure out what they wanted to do as treatmeant and because we had to learn more about it. He didn't tell me what kind of cancer he had right away. But I would find out when we got him to the hospital.

I was so scared. I'd lost so many people already.

I couldn't, I can't lose Xavier. 

I didn't know anything about cancer.

How was I supposed to help him when I didn't know what to do. 

He was going to be really sick. He was going to lose his hair.

Oh my gosh.

His hair!

He was going to be so devastated if he lost his hair.

His hair is and was his favorite thing.

I was so scared.

I snapped out of my thoughts when I realized the car stopped moving. Josh hugged me and whispered "Everything will be okay Lillie."

 "Josh.. I don't understand. How could this have happened?" I whispered with shock clear in my voice.

Josh and I sat in the car for a couple minutes while I got myself together. I hadn't really cried. I was just in shock.

Xavier had cancer. 

I walked into the hospital with Josh at my side. We went straight to the front desk. 

"Hello Again Dear!" The same lady I saw on Thursday smiled brightly "What can I help you with?"

"We're looking for Xavier Jacobs." I said it so quiet it was almost a whisper.

"Oh dear." She looked sad. "I just got here for my shift. I didn't realize that the poor boy was back. Is he still really sick."

"C-c-cancer.." I stuttered the word out while choking on tears. 

"Oh my golly. Let me find him for you Sweetie." She said with her mood obviously dropping. She looked through her records for a few minutes before saying "Room 101 second floor. Right Wing."

 "Thank you." I whispered following Josh to the elevator.

We didn't say anything else until we got to Xavier's room. I tried to hold back the tears when I saw him laying there in the hospital bed, with IV's in his arms. 

"Have they seen you yet?" I asked running over to the side of his bed.

"No. They are going to be in here in just a few minutes though. My dad might have to leave to go take two days off of work." He said "Will you stay?"

"Of course I will stay babe." I whispered. 

"Thank you." He tried to smile. 

"Okay you guys. I have to go to the building to take time off of work. I will be back as soon as I can. Please call me if you need anything." Mr. Jacobs said to us. 

"Yes sir." Xavier and I said at the same time. 

"I'm going to call Grams she said that she had something that she wanted to tell me. So I just want to let her know that we aren't going to be home for a while." Josh said. 

"You can go home if you want Joshie. Just please be careful in your car." I told him "I want a few minutes with Zavie anyway."

"Okay. If you guys need anything call me." Josh told us right before leaving the room. 

About five minutes after Josh left the doctor walked in. 

"Hello there Xavier." Doctor Hunt said. "I just got the records from the tests that they gave you at the Doctor's Office." He continued on to tell us the scientific name of the cancer Xavier had.

"I'm sorry.. But what is that?" Xavier asked.

"It's a type of cancer in the stomach." The man answered.

"What stage?"

"You're in stage three. Not the worst, but definitely not the best. You're going to need to start treatment right away. If you want it." 

"I want it. But I would like to know what the symptoms will be. Is that okay?" Xavier was asking the same questions that were coming into my mind. 

"You'll be sick, a lot of puking. And hair loss-" Doctor Hunt was interrupted by my boyfriend freaking out.

"My HAIR is going to fall out? Like for real?" Xavier's eyes were so wide they could have fallen right out of their sockets. 

"Yes sir. I'm very sorry to have to tell you that." The Doctor chuckled a little bit. 

"Sorry. My hair is just like my second girlfriend." Xavier calmed down just a little bit.

"More like I'm your second girlfriend." The joke escaped my lips without me even realizing it. 

"That's not true." He looked at me like he's offended.

"It is sometimes babe." I smiled at him to let him know I was just joking.

"Ah the pleasures of young love." The doctor smiled a small sad smile. "Xavier. If you just stay strong, and you keep all the support you have. You have to do all the treatments, but you should be able to make it through this."

"When do I start my treatment?" Xavier asked.

"Right away. We can start at any time. If you're okay with it, I might go ahead and call them to start getting everything ready. You're girlfriend won't be able to go with you, but she can wait here for you if she would like to." Doctor Hunt told him. "You can wait to start until your dad gets here, but he will have to wait here with your girlfriend."

"I would like to wait on my dad." Xavier said. "I want a few minutes with Lillie alone."

"Okay. Well is there anymore questions?" Doctor Hunt asked. 

"How sick am I going to be?" Xavier asked.

"The first time it's going to hit you the hardest. Then from there it should lighten up at least a little bit." Doctor Hunt explained. 

"Okay sir." Xavier said with a small grunt. "Is there a bathroom in here?"

"Right through that door." Doctor Hunt points at the door. 

"Good. Lillie help me up?" Xavier asked with pleading eyes, he kept swallowing.

I helped Xavier stand up and walk to the bathroom. 

"I'm going to leave now!" Doctor Hunt said. 

"Bye sir" Xavier swallowed again.

When the doctor was out of the room, Xavier looked at me again and asked, "Can you come stand in here? I don't know how well this whole thing is going to work out. I can still barely stand. I'm sorry for asking.. I know it's weird."

"It's fine." I told him while walking him into the bathroom. 

"You can't watch though!" He tried to laugh. 

"I didn't plan on it."

When Xavier was done using the restroom, I helped him get back in bed. 

"Lillie.. I'm so sorry.. I didn't mean to get sick! I don't even know how this could have happened." He whispered to me while pulling me on his bed to lay next to him. 

"Zaver. You really don't need to apologize. It's okay. Things happen." I told him while leaning forward to kiss him on the cheek.

"Lillie.. I know this is a weird time and place to tell you this." Xavier paused and put his hands on my cheeks "But I want you to know that I love you."

Tears filled my eyes as I leaned forward and planted a soft kids on his lips. 'I love you too Xavier."