When it's Over

Part 6

Morgan

I send the last email and shut down my phone. I'm exhausted and I can't take any more stress today. I grab a pack of frozen veggies from my freezer and press them to my cheek. It's so tender that I'm sure it's broken. I swallow down a few Motrins and then tuck myself into my bed. My mother never checks on me so at least I don't have to worry about covering up the destruction tonight. In the morning, I'll get up early to give myself time to put on extra make-up. I'll tell her I got hit in the face during a stunt at cheer. She'll know I'm lying, but she'll go along with it.

As I close my eyes and listen to my beating heart with the rhythmic pulse in my ears, I try to remember what was different about me before Rick. I feel like the difference was innocence. I knew bad things happened, so many of them having happened already to me. I guess I was just naïve enough to believe he was different. He was going to be my way out of this mess, but instead he became another roadblock in my escape from this town.

People can change, right? People can decide they want to be better—do better. Even though I feel old beyond my years, Rick and I are still young enough to change. We can learn. I'm not doomed to live out this cycle just because my mother already paved the road with horrible examples. I know that it would take courage and hard work to make the change I'm asking of him, but if he loves me he should want to do it.

I move my head to get more comfortable, but the soggy veggie bag shifts and a carrot or some other vegetable of torture pokes me sending a bolt of pain from my cheekbone to my brain. It's like the universe disagreed with the thought and responded with a swift kick to my backside. Rick would tell me that his assault wasn't because he didn't love me enough; it was because he loved me too much. Maybe a part of me wants to believe it, but as I lie here in the dark, I know in my heart that love shouldn't hurt like this....