IMPRACTICAL

On the right side of the wrong bed

We had been at a bar that was, and I quote, less than popping, for around and hour now. There was no lively atmosphere, and the only ones who seemed to be having a good time but by the others presence alone was Q and I.

"So this bar is for depressed middle aged citizens, huh?" I tried to make a joke.

"Which is exactly why I'm in it, cheers to that." He said, raising his glass.

"Oh don't say that!" I half scolded him. "Can we get out of here?" I have an idea that'll make you feel less of a middle aged depressed citizen." I said, standing up without even waiting for an answer from him. I just expected him to follow my lead, which he was already doing.

As we walked down a street, much darker and quieter than any other street in New York, I began to realize that Q, a native New Yorker, didn't know about all of the hidden gems that I knew existed amongst the city.

"Where are we going? I'm just about expecting to walk into a meth lab." He said as we walked down a dark alley.

"Just here" I turned around, smirking over my shoulder at him as I stood in front of a black door lit up by one light over the top of it. As I knocked on it, a burly bouncer opened up, before scanning us both, before letting us in.

As we both walked in, I turned around once more to see Q scan the room, taking in his surroundings. That was when the realization hit him, and his face began to light up. I knew it would work.

"You bought me to a strip club?" He said through a Cheshire grin.

"That I did." I smiled back, before heading straight for the bar, with Q following not so far behind me. Sitting at the stools at the bar, we ordered our drinks before I turned to face him. "So, let me listen to you talk about how awesome I am for the next hour or so." I said, ushering my hands towards myself.

"Well I'm not gonna be one to deny that." He replied, raising his eyebrows whilst taking a gulp of his drink. "I never even knew that this place existed." He placed his glass back onto the bar top.

"One of those guys thinking he's been every strip joint in town?" I half messed, half was serious. He did seem like he would know where the odd one or two strip clubs resided.

"Not so much here. New Orleans, definitely."

"I love New Orleans. The only time I've ever taken a body shot of a 60 year old and was praised about it. Spring break '09, baby" I now lifted my glass up, like I had seen Q done many times, before winking towards him and taking a gulp.

"If I ever get time off, we should get down there at some point."

"Oh, so you mean that you won't be spending every moment not at work in my place of work?" I smiled devilishly, seeing him for the first time look lost for words through his smile.

"What can I say? The company is good." His smoothness soon returned.

"And the company can also get you lap dances, I know this one girl, Tiami, you will love her. Ass of an Angel." I said, before grabbing his arm, leading him to where the girls were, him grabbing his drink off the bar to take with him.

"I have to say, I've never met a girl like you in my life." His voice came over the back of my shoulder, close enough for me to hear him over the volume increase of music.

"That's because there are no other girls like me. Now sit." I said, walking in front of him, grabbing his shoulders and forcing him onto the soft seating surrounding the highered floors containing the poles and girls dancing. I scanned my eyes across the room, searching for the one girl in particular that I wanted to subject onto Q. And I soon found her, in her revealing underwear and garters, strutting her stuff the next table away. "Ti! Get that booty over here!" I yelled over Q who I was knelt next to on the seating. Tiami soon made her way over to us both, sitting on the opposite side of Q. He must be thinking that all of his Christmases had came at once sandwiched between the two of us.