Alone // Tom Sykes/Oli Sykes

Chapter 10: Reunited With Tom

Warning: Thoughts Of Suicide

Song: Desert Song by My Chemical Romance

~Oliver~  

Three months, it's been three, long, agonizing months since Tom committed suicide. A week after his funeral, Bring Me The Horizon went on tour with The Blackout and Lostprophets. This tour has been the worst tour I've ever been on. Each day passes by and my urge to cut grows.  

I want to leave this shitty world. I want to put the blade up to my skin and be reunited with Tom. I know I shouldn't, I know he wouldn't want me to but the only reason why I stayed strong all these years was because of him. I wasn't fighting for me, or my friends or anyone else. I was fighting for Tom.  

Sighing, I stood up from the leather couch and walked into the front lounge. I looked through the cupboards until I finally found the familiar bottle of Jack Daniels. Ignoring the lads, I opened the bottle and slid into the booth.  

I looked around the front lounge and noticed everyone was looking at me with sympathetic expressions. Their sympathy only angered me. I didn't want any of them 'pitying' me or giving me sorry looks.  

"What?" I barked, fed up with their sorrow expressions.  

Lee sighed, "Oli, I think you need to tone down on the alcohol" He said, his voice laced with concern.  

"Fuck off" I muttered before standing up and walking back to the back lounge.  

Despite being on tour for three months, I haven't really spoken to any of them. They worry about me- I can see it in their eyes. They want me to stop drinking and smoking but I can't. My little brother committed suicide, it's not something someone can get over so easily.  

I felt tears beginning to form in my eyes. I just miss Tom so fucking much. If I had only arrived sooner, I would've been able to stop him. Fuck, if I had brought him with me, we wouldn't even have to deal with all this fucking shit.  

Pain is all I can feel. I can't feel anger,sadness or happiness...Only pain. With every sip of alcohol I take, the pain seems to grow stronger and that's all I want, more pain.  

I just- I want to be with Tom. I want to be reunited with my little brother. I mean, he was the reason I got out of bed in the mornings. He was the reason I never cut too deep, the only reason I still wanted to live.  

But now, now that he's gone, everything seems so pointless and stupid. I just... I want the numb to go away. I want the voices in my head to fade away. I want to feel happiness again.  

....Happiness, the word itself seems impossible without Tom. I know, a lot of people say I should be grateful for what I have. I'm in a bloody band for fucks sake! I'm living my dream.  

Still, without Tom, all of this seems pointless. The albums, the money, the fame, it all seems so pointless.  

Life is pointless.  

I have nothing left to live for so why the hell am I still breathing? Why haven't I killed myself yet? WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT THIS WHEN I COULD ACTUALLY BE DOING IT.  

I quickly got up from the couch and stumbled into the small bathroom. I frantically searched the cabinets until I found the bottle I was looking for.  

Finally, I'll be reunited with Tom.

&&&

Okay, so do you think Oli should....you know, or should he no go through with it and instead- go on a long road to recovery?