The long road home.

Dwarf Cowboys

"You see the thing is you've always got to remember the trip is half the fun." Sam says munching his raw corn cob.

"Are you sure they're not poisonous when they're raw?" I ask for the third time.

"The trip is half the fun."

I glare at my corn cob, maybe it won't be so bad. I take a bite then hold the corn up in salute; "The trip is half the fun."

He smiles, "now you're a happy camper."

I'm not sure my taste buds agree.

After 'breakfast' Sam gathers some more corn cobs for the road; I try to stand up some stalks and forget about all the food I should have brought. Then we have a big discussion about how we are going to get out of the cornfields; I think that we should go back the way we came, but Sam say's that his car will never make it back up the small bank we dropped off.

"Well what do you think we should do then; Mr 'sorry I guess I fell asleep'?"

"We should head south." He says with the manner of a survivalist.

"And south is?"

Sam points in a random direction. "South is that way."

"How do you know that?"

"I just do, it's an instinct."

"You pointed in a random direction."

"That doesn't make it any less south."

Eventually Sam wins after threatening to leave me behind, so we head off due south, or wherever he was pointing at least.

After an hour of steady driving I'm beginning to get worried, but Sam doesn't seem concerned at all; "The trip is half the fun".

After another twenty minutes we hit a dirt track, which eventually becomes gravel, then finally we leave the corn behind. Sam taps his nose," always trust south."

We drive for perhaps half an hour when we reach our next problem, a fork in the road. Despite the land being perfectly flat we can't see any houses, only a few paddocks and a hay barn; So Sam decides it's time to have morning tea while we think about what to do next.

"More corn?" I ask, stomach rumbling.

"No actually I found a packet of chocolate biscuits under my seat." He holds up his find.

"Sam did you know that I am in love with you right now?"

He laughs, and gives me the first biscuit. After that we argue about which direction is best, Sam doesn't really care because neither direction leads south and I don't want to make the wrong decision. Then we notice a small figure bouncing towards us.

After five minutes they're close enough to make out features, apparently it's a dwarf cowboy on a wooden horse.

After another two minutes a really short guy on a wooden broom horse decked out in a cowboy outfits stands just metres from the Corolla, from a distance he'd looked like a child, but up close you could see he was actually a man, probably in his early twenties or something. The dwarf cowboy eyes us suspiciously.

"Got a name partner?'" Sam says grinning like an idiot.

The dwarf cowboy spits, then shows teeth which look like they've been blackened by a sharpie; "I be's Bobbie the kid."

"You mean Billie the kid?" I say, trying to sound helpful.

He stares at me for a while, then reaches into his holster and pulls out a revolver, and not the old western kind either, it's sleek black and looks like it belongs on a FBI agent. "Nope" drawls Bobbie, he clicks the gun; "I be's Bobbie the kid."

I freeze; he's not going to shoot us is he?

Sam is more under control. "So where'd ya live pardner," he matches Bobbies drawl.

Bobbie spits again, this time right on our car, "oh round the hill a bit."

"But there's no hills around here; the land is flat!" As soon as I speak I know I've made a mistake, Bobbie casually lifts his gun and points it at my head.

"My name is Bobbie" he says slowly like he's talking to a child, "I live round the hill a bit, and I can hit a runnin squirrel from tirty yards and they is a bit smaller than your fat ass"

Now I know for sure that this guy is nuts and rude, I slowly turn my head to look at what Sam's doing, the only sign he even slightly scared is his thumb and forefinger are rubbing together.

"We're not from around here..."

"You sure ain't"

"Do you know which direction the main road is?" Sam sounds so under control, I would be screaming right now if he wasn't here.

He squints at us, like we've just told him the world is round, or steam cars are obsolete;" And why you be wanting to go there?"

"We're heading south, we got a bit lost."

He licks his lips then lowers the gun; "Mmhmmm I think we could have ourselves a trade."