Strained

Chapter 28

Louis loved to relax under a hot shower, the noise of the water, the stings he felt on his skin helped him to gather his thoughts. They were going to stay in Sydney for another two days before finally being able to go home and this beautiful city was helping him to decrease the stress he accumulated. They should all go on a boat trip tomorrow before the show, it will lift the mood of the boys. He turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. He knotted a towel around his bony hips and wiped with his hand the steam on the mirror. He looked tired, his face was pale and he lost a lot of weight. He could see his ribcage and the sharp edge of his cheekbones was more prominent. Thank God his mother was not here to see him like this. He did not look healthy but he will not have the time to put enough weight on him before seeing her. He will wear large clothes to hide his skinny body instead. He could not remember the last time he talked to her or his sisters and realised that Gabriel also cut ties with his family. Both of them stayed too long in their own world without caring once about their families or even their friends. Gabriel and he kept ignoring their phone calls and text messages. He felt slightly guilty at this thought. He will make up to them when he will be back.

He knew that his awful appearance was caused by the drugs and the constant ups and downs he was having with Gabriel.  He was weary by their relationship and he hoped things will get better between them after the tour. He was glad to have reduced the drugs but it was harder for Gabriel to let it go. He should have not joined him in his habit and forced him to stop. But it was good for a time, they forgot the roots of their problems and were enjoying the simple fact of being together again but he was not expecting the issues to come back in full force. They were still in the middle of this storm even if Gabriel promised him to change but Louis was dubious as it was his nature to always be pessimistic.

Thinking of Gabriel, he did not see him all day and wondered where he was. He reached for his phone when he heard the door opened brutally.  Blood drained from his face when he looked at Gabriel. He was mad.

"Where have you been?" Gabriel snapped.

"What are you talking about? I was here taking a shower." He tried to keep his voice calm, he did not want to upset more Gabriel even if he did not know why he was acting like this.

"No before that."

"With Grace out." Here was the problem he thought and he panicked.

"I know that you slept with her."

"Aren't you the one who said 'no more fights' not even a week ago?"

"I changed my mind. Louis I just feel it, know it. Something happened during your trip with her. Just tell me the truth, I beg you."

"For God's sake Gabriel, how many times do I have to tell you than nothing ever happened with her and it won't. Trust me please!" Louis raised his voice, he was sick to have this fight again.

"I already trust you once and you broke my heart." Gabriel barked.

"Gabriel please stop, you're making me crazy!" Louis spread his arms out. He was trying hard to contain his temper.  He already knew where this conversation was leading to and he could not tolerate it anymore. He was fed up to go round in circles.

"Tell me I'm the only one." Gabriel's eyes were reflecting so much pain. He needed to be reassured.

"For the millionth time I think I told you that already!" Louis flared.

"Say it! I need to hear it again." Gabriel urged.

"You are the only one." Louis sighed with exasperation.

The unconvincing answer that Louis just gave him triggered a monstrous rage inside Gabriel. "You belong only to me." He threatened, his low rumble prickling the hairs on the back of Louis's neck.

Louis stopped breathing, sweat was slinking down his spine. Gabriel had never acted this way before. He was not in his usual self and he was starting to scare him. He looked like a beast ready to show his claws. Louis' mouth was dry as he tried to say, "Gabriel, I..."

But Gabriel did not let him finish and raced to him. Frightened, Louis took a quick step backward. Unluckily, he hit the cold concrete of the wall behind his back and Gabriel easily blocked him against it. Louis could feel Gabriel's warm breath mixed with mint and alcohol against his bare skin. "You're mine." Gabriel said again. He leaned his face closer to Louis. His pupils were blown out, the green of his eyes was replaced by a black shade. Louis shivered, Gabriel was high and drunk. Louis was in a state of complete panic and tried to push him so he could reach the door but Gabriel did not let him. Instead, he gripped Louis' waist and flipped easily his body against the wall, Gabriel was stronger than him. Louis could not see Gabriel's face anymore, his forehead was touching the concrete. His heart raced when Gabriel took his hands and pinned them above his head. He wished to escape but Gabriel's grip on his wrists and his muscular body behind his back pressing him hardly against the wall prevented him to do so. He was trapped. Fear spread in every part of his body while Gabriel yanked his towel. Louis felt exposed by standing naked in front of him, the whole thing was amiss, Gabriel was using his force to take advantage of him. Louis knew what was going to happen when he heard Gabriel's unzipping his pants and closed his eyes, defeated. Without any warning or foreplay, Gabriel pushed himself inside Louis who shrieked with pain. Gabriel was brutal and Louis could only feel the ache of each of his thrust. Hot tears squeezed out from beneath Louis' closed eyelids. Gabriel was using sex as revenge and he kept plunging and kept plunging violently inside Louis until he screamed, "Gabriel stop, you're hurting me!" His voice made Gabriel snapped from his trance and he let him go. Louis rushed to the side of the bed with unsteady legs and covered himself with a large T-shirt. He sat on the bed and crossed his arms around his stomach. He was shaking and could not find the courage to look at Gabriel. His body was sore, bruises were already on his wrists.

"I'm sorry." Gabriel said his voice was trembling, too horrified by what he had just done.

"No matter what I do you will never trust me again, don't you?" Louis murmured. He was fighting to keep his body still but he was under the shock.

"I... I don't know what happened, I could not control myself." He stroked his hair with his hand and was breathing quickly. His heart was breaking with an agony of regret at what he just did and the fear of losing Louis grew inside him.

"I can't live like this Gabriel. We keep hurting each other, it can't work." Louis said tears reaching his eyes.

"I know."  Gabriel's eyes were glossy.

"We are maybe too young or our life is too crazy. We do not live an ordinary life, we can't expect our relationship to be normal as well. We have been living in a secret surrounded by lies, this relationship was doomed since the beginning. We were stupid to believe in it."

Louis was right, they reached the end of their journey together. They gave everything they could to be happy, to save their love but too many sacrifices, fights, lies, hard feelings and guilt completely drained them. And with Gabriel crossing the line, there was no going back. Their relationship was stained forever.

"I love you Louis." Gabriel whispered.

"I love you too." Louis replied softly.

"It's that the end?" Gabriel asked, his throat felt tight and his eyes were prickling with tears.

"Yes, it's for the best."

Gabriel moved closer to Louis and kneeled down in front of him. He rested his head on Louis's thighs until they both cried silently and Louis caressed for the last time Gabriel's curls.

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