A Recollection

Mom.

Mom.

A three letter word
Full of love and protection
Of tucked-in nights
And hot chocolate days

Mom.

Such a necessity
For anyone growing up
Any child would have such luck
To have one

Mom.

A lifeline of joy
She never falls ill
For she has children
Who will
Late nights full
Of Coca Cola and icy-cold baths

Mom.

I need you so bad
To be here with me
And help me through
This confusing and scary world
I do not understand
Why you won't help
Or hold my hand

My arms grow cold
From lack of warmth
That you had provided

And my will has gone weak
I still remember those days
But why did you have to leave
And take it all away?

You have children that need you
We need your safety
Your comforting hugs
And home-made cookies

I can't understand
Did you want me to take over?
When you left that night,
And I became their Mom
Because I was older?

I was still a child
And I still am now
The burden you placed
Upon Dad and I
Has had unbearable consequences
And there is truth in the lies
That we nearly perished due to our own hand

Years apart is where we did stand
On those dangerous nights
Neither had knew
Until much later
When we had come through

Communication seems to be lacking
Or is it that you just don't care?
Is that why you were backing
Away from our life?
Even though he tried
To better himself
To him you had lied

Anxiety ensues
Along the lines
Of a lack of health
Inside my mind
Flashbacks cause distress
My mind became a mess

A pit in my stomach
That no child should feel
Especially because their own mother
Thought they could steal
The innocence of children
Through synthetics,
Carcinogens, and more

Was life really that bad
For you to abandon?
The duty you had
You failed and indefinitely so

Darkness set in
These scars will prove
The journey we had
We had to move

Stealing is wrong, yes, I know
But it would be worse
To let the ones you love go?

Starvation avoided, narrowly so
So that my family could eat
All because you wanted to cheat
When Dad fell ill, I began a new life
Of caring for children
And battling internal strife

Mom,

Was it really that worth it?
For your children to suffer
And their father even more
Just so you could be happy,
And feel young again?

You never gave him a chance
To fix his ways
He never abused you
But you still strayed away
As if mentality is easy
To rebuild again

Mom

I still have scars
From thin metal
To hospital
And hospital
To home
And back

Medicines and one-on-one
Group therapy and then some
Two months in total
Is the time that it took
After my mind had fallen
And my life had shook

Mom

It's been five years
You've done so much
But have nothing to show for
You think it's that easy
To let everything go?