The "I" In Lie

VI. Spotlight (New Regrets)

I stop crying long enough to lift my head up and see whose talking to me. Normally, I'd be able to recognize them by their voice, but I'm just too fucked up to do anything right tonight. I see their face, then burst out crying again, like a child. I feel pathetic.

"Oh my God, Gabe, I don't want to deal with you right now, I can't!" I hide my face with my hands. I can't get any more humiliated as it is. I can only imagine what Gabe has to say to. Probably some comment on my crying, a wise remark about Victoria, a joke about my marriage. I just don't want to have to go through that right now. To my surprise, Gabe is silent. I hear the crunch of gravel. I hear steps approaching me. I hear him sit down next to me. He chuckles. Here it comes.

"It's really cold out, isn't it?" He blows air on his hands, then rubs them together for warmth.

... What?

I look at him with the most confusion in my tear stained face. He smiles at me.

"You should really get inside." I detect an unusual, impossible sense of compassion coming from him. Seeing this makes me start crying even more. I need physical support, so I cry on his chest. He doesn't move at all. He doesn't speak at all. He just lets me cry into his hoodie.

This is weird.

"Never speak of this ever again." I say, after a long while of bawling my soul out.

"Wouldn't even want to." He fired back. I finally stand up, crying subsided, but not entirely gone. I stick my hands in my pockets and look out on the town. The lights from the buildings are the stars of Chicago.

"You're not okay, so I'm not gonna ask if you are." I nod, still not looking at him. He stands up and sighs. "Well, I've gotta get back on my way home. Vicky-T is coming over tonight." He walks past me, patting my back.

"Gabe?" He turns halfway.

"Yeah?" I kick a poor and innocent rock with my shoe. That rock probably had a family.

"Thanks. For... Whatever that was." I groan. "I can't believe I said that, Gabe Saporta that is never happening again." He laughs, and continues left.

"I doubt that. You'll be thanking me for a lot in the future." He turns his head and winks at me.

Yep, there's the Gabe I know and despise.

After tonight, my perspective of Gabe has barely changed. He's still the douchey asshole he's always been, but maybe he is possible of having the tiniest bit of care for another living being.

-

When I get back to my house, after a embarrassing cab ride, my wife is already asleep; It's 3:47. I have tomorrow off. I will probably spend most of it away. I walk into my room to see my wife, not thinking twice about it. She's in bed alone, surrounded by crumpled up tissues. She doesn't like to have tears on her face (it makes her feel weak, like a baby), so she cries with a lot of tissues every time. Seeing this, seeing her, breaks my heart even more, to the point where I can't stand to look at her, not now, not anytime soon. I close the goddamn door quietly, but quickly. I leave a note on the counter, a lot more heavy worded than I had intended. I run down the stairs our of building and out of it. My taxi, for some reason, is still here. He steps out of the cab and yells to me.

"I had a feeling you would be coming back out." I don't know who this man is, or why he's doing it, but I say thank you ("Thank you, so much!") and run back inside, telling him the directions to a friends house. He starts driving right away, making small talk, introducing himself as Rian, but I can't focus. I'm thinking about why I chose to go to this persons house out of everyone. I couldn't face him. I couldn't tell him. Yet I had too. I have to look him in the eye and tell him exactly what happened, followed by a series of explanations and apologies. I'm going to his house for more than that. He's the only person I know who isn't upset with me or hates me right now. But give me a second. I can change that.