To The Girl He Loves

To the girl he loves,

Hi pretty girl. You're so lucky, you got his heart falling for you.

Yes, you're prettier, smarter, taller, whiter, BETTER. No wonder you got him head over heels.

He likes you too much. And I just cannot understand the mere fact I can't get him falling. Am I not enough? It hits me every fvcking day I see you with him, and his smiles were the most precious. Like he's the happiest man alive. Like you mean him the world.

Sometimes I think, can we be like that too? Can I make him smile too? Surely, I can't. 'Cause every fvcking time we talk, it was all about you. Everything seems to spin around you. And that makes my world shatter.

Can you do me some favors?

Please, catch his heart. Don't let it get broken, he's gonna cry and it hurts me to see him that way.

If he ever offers you his love, will you please accept it? Surely if I were you I'll do it willingly. But I am not, so just do it for me.

Please, respond to his 'I love you's. He won't say those to me.

Appreciate his efforts. Don't make him feel like the most worthless man existing, while he just did everything to see that smile that once melt his heart and made him fall.

Don't and never ever take him for granted 'cause he surely will be hurt. He loves you but he's not a toy to be played.

Oh, his feelings. Don't play with it. Because that was the only thing I want him to give me. Just a percentage of those feelings you all got.

Can I ask this question again? God, for the nth time I am still muttering these questions.

WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE YOU?

AM I JUST SOMEONE HE KNOWS, BUT DOESN'T LOVE?

WHY ARE YOU JUST.. BETTER?

DO I HAVE A CHANCE ON HIM? B*tch please. Of course, I do not even have any. How many times have I told myself these? I cannot even remember. All I know is that I'm hoping. Hoping someday he'll see how special I can be to him. Hopes. Yeah. Fvcking hopes.

Does he even know how I feel? Of course, not. How could he? When all this time, it was just you whom he cared about.

This letter doesn't mean I'm hating you or what. I just want you to feel how special he is to me. How painful it is to see him so happy with you.

You're very lucky you're not in my shoes. You can't feel this fvcking feeling I have. You don't have to cry every night. You do not even overthink things, like 'why can't he see me' thoughts every night while crying.

I can even just tie a rope on my neck and hang myself because I'm too hurt, I'm so frustrated. I'm broken.

It sucks right? Can we exchange lives just for a day? So I can know how it feels when he loves me too.

But I'll be strong. Someday I will be.

Someday I can sleep without crying and overthinking.

Someday I can just accept things as I am. My flaws will seem perfect for someone someday.

Someday, I can look at the mirror without whispering 'am I not enough' to myself.

Someday, I will find someone who'll give back my love, and heal my heart.

Someday I can smile. Not a fake one. But the most precious one like his when he see you.

Someday, I'll be better.

Someday.. I can look at the two of you happily, not hurting and not crying.

Someday, I'll be happy for you two.

-The girl who loves him.