More or less friends

Chapter 4

We arrive at the school gates a few minutes later, Caleb's arm still draped over me, Marion at my side giving the watching crowd a yeah-that's-right-we're-popular-now look and swishing her hips for all she's worth, and Ryan speaking quietly to Hugo, who joined us a few minutes ago, slightly behind us. If I'm honest, I am enjoying seeing the insanely jealous looks on all the girls' faces as our group strolls through the crowd, the crowd's attention fixed on us. At the back of the crowd, I see Adam watching, a slight look of sadness in his chocolate brown eyes. Adam and I have been friends since fifth grade, although for a few awkward years everyone we met thought we were a couple. I guess it gets to that sort of age when as soon as you become close to a guy, people all around start judging you for it. But for Adam and I, it was never really like that. We were separated for a year though when we went to different high schools, but when I transferred this year and learnt that he and I were in the same school I couldn't help myself from being ecstatic. I realised that one year could make a lot of difference though. Friendship wise, we were stronger than ever at the beginning of the year, but physically, he had changed enormously. He still had that kind, boyish look about him, but he had grown and filled out quite a bit, and I have to admit, he is now quite handsome, with dark skin and melting dark eyes. Apparently, I had also changed, as he stated in the first day we met up at the start of the year upon learning we had the same classes. I'm not quite sure what our relationship status is at the moment though. I mean, we are really close and all,  but there is this sort of barrier that is stopping us from being what we were before: just friends, no complications. That's what we used to call it. Maybe it's being apart that built that barrier, or maybe it's something else. Attraction? Whatever it is, for the past few weeks I have caught him looking at me in a way that he never used to, and it is sometimes a little unnerving. I have meant to talk to him about it, by have not really gotten the chance yet. And then, as if things weren't complicated enough, there's Cilla. The stuck-up blonde bitch who loves to get under my skin, she has set her sights on Adam since day one of freshman year apparently, and upon learning about our relationship has being doing everything in her enormous power to better me. They have become quite close, but Adam confided in me that he didn't think of her in that way. All the same, it is getting kind of tiring, having her work up all sorts of ways to get close to Adam when we're together.
Anyway, Adam is looking oh-so-sad over there and I feel I just have to ruin my moment of fame by going over to see, half-heartedly pulling Caleb along with me.
"Hey, A" I say with a smile. He smiles back, but it doesn't reach his eyes as he appraises Caleb coolly. Caleb, sensing the tension, clears his throat and whispers to me:
"I'm gonna go to the lockers, I'll see you in a bit." I nod to him, my eyes not leaving Adan's expression. He visibly relaxes when Caleb is gone. He looks at me fondly, and I think he is about to say something when the devil arrives.
"Adam! I've been looking everywhere for you!" Cilla exclaims from behind me. I struggle to suppress a groan. Adam tenses suddenly and the fond look is gone. Cilla reaches us an smirks at me before continuing:
"It's about the optional project in English that we were going to do, well James dropped out last night and I was so prepared for it, you have to fill in, please! "
Hah, the chances of Adam doing extracurricular projects for fun are slim and --
"Sure, sounds great. I have to go though, I'll see you both in class." I don't believe it. The number of times that I have begged him to be my partner in projects like this and him rejecting me and now Cilla goes and batts her fake eyelashes at him and he's all for it? I seriously don't believe this. As Adam walks away, Cilla gives me another one of her triumphant toothy grins and struts back to her friends, leaving me speechless as the first bell rings.

It is almost four o'clock and we are in our last lesson, English. I have hardly spoken to Adam all day, I think he has been avoiding me. He wouldn't even acknowledge me when I walked up to his table at lunch time, and sat down diagonally from him with Serena opposite.
The teacher is explaining for the third time this week about the optional projects, and I once again asking for volunteers.
Cilla raises her hand. The teacher looks relieved.
"Yes, Cilla. What will you be working on?"
"Romeo and Juliet" Cilla replies.
"And who will be your partner?"
"Adam, miss". She turns and winks at Adam at the back of the class, then turning back, her eyes meet mine, and she smirks. Wow, that girl has some nerve. I feel a hot anger start to boil up inside of me, as I have officially had enough. I am relieved when the bell rings a few moments later, announcing the end of class. I rush out of there as quickly as I can, not bothering to stop when I hear Adam's voice calling me back. I have to stop, however, when I feel a strong hand grab my arm, jerking me back.
"What the --"
"Look, Rachel, I'm sorry, I never thought she would act that way, she's just jealous..." Adam is pleading me to understand, but I've had enough.
"Jealous of what, Adam?" He looks lost for words, and I take this golden opportunity straight away:
"Look, I get now that our friendship is a liability to your new and improved self, as well as your new relationships, but next time could you please make your feelings clear a little sooner? It will save us both the grief, and save me from having to deal with your jealous girlfriend!"
With that, I wrench free of his hold and march over to the stairs.
I hear Adam call out angrily:
"She's not my girlfriend!" but I ignore him and continue down the stairs, feeling even angrier when I hear Cilla's sickly sweet voice say to him:
"Let her go, A..." Thankfully, none of my friends are aware of the situation, or if so, none of them try to stop me.
I'm relieved when I finally step out of the school gates and start to make my way to the station. Until I hear a now familiar voice behind me say gently:
"You OK?" Great.
"Not now, Caleb" I say, a little too abruptly. To my relief, he keeps quiet, but falls into step with me all the same. We walk in silence for about five minutes, and then he announces a little hesitantly:
"Look, I get that you might not want to talk about it right now, but I want you to know that...that you can talk to me. If you want you know...I mean you don't have to, but..." He stops, seeming a bit embarrassed. My anger subsides a little. It's touching to know that he cares about me that way, and that he is ready to listen if I want to talk. I find myself wondering how many times he has said something like that to a girl in his life. He's always seemed to be more the jokey, flirty type, but this is a completely different side to him.
I give him a small smile, but instead of smiling back his face creases into a frown and his eyes search my face. I hadn't realised it, but a small tear had formed in the corner of my eye and is now trickling down the side of my face. I wipe it away angrily with the back of my sleeve, feeling stupid for crying about nothing.
Before I know what is happening, he has stopped us both at the corner of the pavement and has pulled me into his arms. Forgetting any embarrassment that I had been feeling, I wrap my arms around his strong torso and bury my face in his chest, letting the tears flow freely.
I'm not sure how long we stayed like that, but after a while I become aware that I am getting his sweater all wet, and pull back, sniffling slightly. I feel his thumb on my cheek, wiping away the last few tears before he pulls a tissue out of his pocket and hands it to me.
"Thanks" I say gratefully, embarrassment taking over again.
Caleb glances at his watch and says gently:
"Come on, we're gonna miss the train". I nod silently and he wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me with him.
We reach the station and get on the train with a few minutes to spare, and I sit down at a four seater. Caleb throws his bag down in the seat opposite and says:
"I'll be back in a few". I nod again, wondering where he is going as he steps back out of the train and into the busy station.
I decide to go to the bathroom to recompose myself privately.
Looking in the mirror, I see with despair that my eyes are red and puffy and that strands of hair are sticking to my face. I splash some cold water over my face and dab at it with some toilet paper, then run my fingers through my hair to tease out a few knots and smooth it down.
Reaching the four seater, I find that Caleb is already there, and that he has bought two cups of steaming hot chocolate. It warms my heart to know he has done that for me. I smile as I sit down.
"Thank you, but you didn't..."
"It' OK" is all he says. I smile again and wrap my hands around my cup to warm them. He does the same.
After a few minutes, he asks hopefully:
"So...you want to talk about it?"
I drop my eyes to my cup. Can I really tell him all that? It's kind of personal...although he deserves to know. He has done all this to comfort me, he should at least know what for.
So I tell him everything, somewhat awkwardly at first, since I have never talked to a boy about another boy before, not even Adam. But, seeing the seriousness and understanding of Caleb's expression, I become more confident. I tell him about my parents, about Adam, about my conflicted feelings, everything. He doesn't say anything, just listens until I have finished. Then he seems to think about it all before saying with a small smile:
"Looks like you've got your work cut out for you". I laugh drily and nod.
"You could say that". He hesitates before adding:
"If you ask me, it doesn't seem like Adam wants to give up on you. I think he is just tired of not knowing where he is with you. He might be afraid he is misreading the signals. Believe me, girls are by far the hardest creatures to read". He gives me a wry smile and runs a hand through his hair. I notice, not for the first time, how cute he looks with his hair ruffled, but push that thought away quickly.
He continues:
"He was probably pushing you away instinctively, precisely to avoid all of this". He gestures to me, referring to the fight Adam and I had. I nod slowly.
"I don't think you should give up on your friendship so easily, even if it is complicated at the moment." I sigh before answering:
"I know, it's just....with everything that is happening..." I am lost for words, but he answers all the same:
"I know. And it may seem like I'm just saying that, but trust me, I know". He rolls his eyes.
I believe him.
A thought strikes me.
"You give good advice, for a guy" I say, smirking. He grins.
"When you grow up with three younger sisters and their problems, you get the hang of it."
Suddenly, our stop is announced.
"Already?!" I exclaim. I had been unaware we had even left Boring.
Caleb smiles and gets up, heading for the door. I follow suit.
We climb the steel steps to the other platform in comfortable silence. I spot my dad's car waiting in the parking lot, but I don't feel like I can face any of that again right now. Caleb stops beside me. After a few moments of silence, he asks:
"Are you gonna be OK??" I smile. I am so glad he has been there this afternoon, so glad he chose to stay with me and hear what I had to say. It felt good to unload my feelings onto someone else.
"Thank you" I say to him for the hundredth time today, but not meaning it any less. He hugs me one last time before walking over to where a black car is parked. I watch him leave before walking over to my own car.
As I climb in, I realise l that I have found a real friend in Caleb, and have grown to feel quite a bit of affection for him over the short time we have known each other. It's nice to know he feels the same.