Avondale: The Golden Door

The Golden Door

I took in the surrounding landscape, it had changed a lot in the past several hours. Grey Rock was no longer a shape in the distance, now it towered before us. Its rounded, wind sculpted formation bled with red, brown and cream colors. It stretched far off to the right, and to the left we were cornered by the treeline of the forest, its finger stretching to follow us all the way to Grey Rock.

Nisvārtha landed gently on the earth, which had changed from hot sand to hard-packed earth, growing sparsely with desert vegetation. No one else had reached us yet, but I doubted they would take very long to catch up.

I took off my pack and handed it to Nisvārtha to change. He took it in his teeth and I turned away, staring into the trees.

"Kendra," I turned around to see Nisvārtha watching me with his violet eyes, fully clothed and a lot closer than I expected. Our bodies were only separated by a few inches, he was tall enough that even at my average height I ended up staring at his chest.

I cleared my throat and took a step back to look up at him. "So how does this work?"

His eyes searched mine for a moment before he looked down. "Take my hands," he said softly.

I did.

"Close your eyes and open Tale hādu, only with me though." Again I followed his instructions. Now what? I asked.

Think of a memory. He said. A simple one, just to see if you can do this first.

I took a breath and thought of a memory from my childhood. I was seven, Ma was in the hospital in labor and we were on our way to visit her and hopefully the new baby Seamus but I had insisted on getting him something.

Papa, and seventeen-year-old Jack were trailing behind me as I skipped and stumbled along the rocky beach.

"What the devil are you looking for Princess?" Papa called after me.

I didn't answer him as I splashed through the surf, the cold water soaking my shoes and drenching my pants.

"Kendra!" Jack groaned. "You better not whine later when your feet are cold!"

I ignored them again as I shoved my little hands in the sand and came out with something small and delicate. I ran back to Jack and Papa, stumbling over my feet but managing not to fall as I held out the thing I had found.

It was a shell, completely intact and just fit in the middle of my palm. A small pearly spiral that was tinted with hues of pink. Beautiful and precious.

"What is that princess?" Papa asked me.

I smiled up at them. "It's magic, Papa. For baby Seamus."

I opened my eyes and blinked away the sad memory, dwelling on it any longer would make me cry. I looked up at Nisvārtha, "How was that?"

His own eyes were wide with surprise, staring at me. "It seems you have a gift for doing the unexpected, Kendra McLane."

I chuckled at that."Um, thanks?"

He smiled a bit. "You are welcome."

"So you saw the memory?"

He smiled a bit wider. "Better than that, I experienced the memory with you. Clear as if it were my own."

I frowned, that meant that if I showed him....he would have to go through what I went through. I wasn't sure if I wanted that.

"I am curious, though, why did the memory feel so sad?"

I looked down at our hands, taking a moment to realize how warm they were, and how it felt nice. "When we got back to the hospital, Seamus came...but he didn't make it." I swallowed hard, "He was too early, and no amount of magic could have saved him."

"I am so sorry." There was a long silence. "You are allowed to change your mind." He said softly.

I shook my head. "No," I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Ready? I asked.

Yes.

I dove into the memory, beginning with the pain of the papercut and moving through the terrifying ordeal. I felt everything all over again. The cold, the absence of my limbs, the pain, the gut wrenching terror that made my head begin to pound and my body begin to shake.

This was nothing like remembering. Looking at memories are disjointed, the mind fast forwards and thinks of other things while you try to remember. The memory is usually fuzzy, not clear, and comes not as a whole but as pieces fit haphazardly together by your brain.

But this? This was reliving the memory. I felt everything again, the pain, the cold, the spinning that wouldn't stop. It felt so real that I forgot about the hands clinging to mine, I forgot that another person was going through this, it didn't matter. I was alone, and my life was being ripped away from me once again.

When the memory was finished I collapsed to the ground, my body shuddering violently as I sobbed. It had come, the panic attack. I couldn't think, I could barely breathe through my painful sobs, my head was shrieking in pain, and I felt so cold, cold enough that I didn't know if I would ever remember what warmth was.

"Kendra? Kendra can you hear me? Look at me, okay? Everything is alright, Kendra." I tried to look at the voice but I couldn't see anything, only a blur of color.

Kendra! Another voice cut through my head and I whimpered at the pain, closing my eyes. Someone groaned next to me. Oh, Kallu what happened? the voice continued.

"Shift back, Sanna." The other voice snapped, the edge filled with pain. "Tale hādu hurts too much right now."

There was a snapping sound and then the rustle of fabric. "You both look terrible," Sanna said. "Are you alright?"

"I am fine." Nisvārtha grunted, his voice still filled with pain and now nausea. "Kendra is not, she needs you."

Warm arms wrapped around my shuddering body. I clung to the source of heat and continued to sob, warm hands touched my hair and I was enveloped in the scent of the forest. "She is freezing!" Sanna gasped. "Grab me a blanket."

Something was wrapped around me, cocooning my frozen body as Sanna held me.

"What happened?" Sanna asked again, his hand still stroking my hair.

I heard Nisvārtha sigh, "She used Tale hādu to show me how she got through the gates." I opened my eyes to look at him. I could see now, his face was pale and his hands were shaking. "She warned me it was unpleasant and I am afraid that was a gross understatement."

I was still shaking from the memory, my body was slowly warming but everything felt numb.

"It is alright, Sūrya," Sanna murmured in my ear. "It was not real, you are here now, you are safe. Shhh."

"Breathe Kendra," Nisvārtha was watching me carefully, he took my hand and held me in his violet gaze. "Breathe slow, breathe deep. Just breathe."

I sucked in a breath, focusing on his violet eyes as I tried to steady my breathing and my heart. Slowly, my body warmed, my tears stopped, and my breathing returned to normal. It was then that I noticed the rest of our group had gathered around us, watching.

"So...." I croaked out, my voice rough from crying. "Do you believe me now?"

Nisvārtha ran a shaking hand through his purple hair. "I am honestly beginning to doubt everything I once believed in." His eyes met mine again, "Like I said, you have a gift for doing the unexpected."