Holding Out For A Hero

Chapter Twenty Eight

Another night alone in our room with Peeta in the guest room. Sleep evades me every night through my night terrors and the babies movements.

  I try to hide my sobs from Peeta, he doesn't need to worry about me right now; he has plenty to worry about. Trying to not kill me, trying to keep his sanity, trying everything in his power to be back to normal.

I get up from under the cool covers and pad down the stairs shakily with tears streaming down my cheeks. When I make it down I notice I'm not alone. I see Peeta watching TV while sitting on the couch but his head turns quickly when he sees my shadow.

  "Katniss?" I try to cover up my obvious sobs.

"I-I'm alright," I choke and he quickly gets up and rushes over to me where I wrap my arms tightly around him where his hands go to my bump.

  "What's wrong? Is it the baby? Come on Kat talk to me." He pleads.

My tears sodden his shirt as we stand in the soft light coming from the hologram.

  "I don't know, I just need you to hold me." I whimper and after that he doesn't speak, he wraps his arms around me where his knuckles rub soft circles on my back trying to soothe me.

Something about him being close to me again makes all the weight I'm carrying slide off slowly and my eyes fall closed. I don't know how long we are there, in this loop of time, of peace, of complete serenity until I open my eyes, back in my bed without Peeta.

There's a note on his side of the bed.

"I was needed at the bakery, one of the ovens broke; I should be back soon. Love you,"

  I set it back down and get up walking down the stairs and out the door in my shaw with no shoes, the wet earth making my feet cold. For some reason I find myself in front of Haymitch's and before I knock the door a hand goes to my shoulder.

I turn and see Effie and I grin. "Oh my god Effie," I hug her tightly and she grins.

  "Dear how are you?" She looks me up and down.

  "I'm okay, living and breathing." She sighs.

"Haymitch told me Peeta relapsed, come on let's go to your house he's probably still asleep."

We walk back to my house and Effie is the one to sit me down, make tea and a small breakfast. She hands me my tea and sits opposite to me.

  "I just feel like he'll never be the same Effie, I feel like he's never coming back." She shushes me.

"He's done it before, don't lose hope... This is the one thing that the Capitol has control over and that is Peeta, you cannot cave for them."

She puts her hand on my cheek and smiles. "You're a diamond dear, they can't break you."

The words about Peeta and I being diamonds in the rough, created by coal comes into my memory and I try to laugh yet a tear slowly streams down my cheek; I try to smile and think.

  "You're wrong Effie, they already broke me. Diamonds are beautiful, radiant, strong; all opposites of what I am."

I'm nothing but a scarred, broken, murderer that my child will be taught to see me as a martyr. For some reason more tears stream down my cheeks and I shake my head and she shushes me.

"I'm always right Katniss, I'm never wrong and you know that." She says jokingly to lighten the mood but it doesn't help.

"The baby is going to be scared to death when it hears what I did, it'll hate me."