Hiraeth

Prologue: Mending a Broken Soul

"Damn... Another day, another headache..." I muttered, getting up from bed.

I've been living alone for three years now. It's not so bad once you get used to it, you have all the time in the world;
The silence, the solitude—it gives me more time to think; to contemplate. but when the going gets tough, you've got no one to support you—no one to comfort you.
Sometimes I wonder...why was I even borne?
For every time I was alone in this three-story building, I feel myself slowly falling—falling to misery, drowning in apathy. Yes, this house maybe large, but in no way is it a home...

I sat there, staring at my own reflection in the window, "What do these eyes mean if I can't see them tomorrow?"

These thoughts and words are of no use. I am the one they accuse; Accuse of the sin that scarred me—that tattered my mind and mem'ry.

All of my pondering halted when I decided to break my thoughts. I took my bath and suddenly when I was brushing my teeth, I heard someone knocking at my chamber door.

"Cyrus? Cyrus John, it's me! Pastor Nick!"

I hurried for the door with the toothbrush still in my mouth.

"Oh thank goodness, you're awa—Cyrus! You're already eighteen, at least act like one!"

I scratched the back of my head, "C'mon pastor, gimme a break here. I just woke up, and I wasn't even done brushing my teeth!" I removed the toothbrush from my mouth, "Well whatever—just come in."

"Coffee?" I asked him.

"Well now...you've become quite the gracious host! I certainly don't want to take you down on that offer."

I proceeded to brew the cups of coffee then gave one to the pastor as we sat down to talk.

"Mm...nice brew—but this isn't what I came here for Cyrus." He placed the cup of coffee on the table and looked into my eyes.

"Pastor... I know I haven't been to church recently but, I have my reasons."

"Are these reasons, reason enough to throw away your faith, child?"

"I'm not throwing away anything—I'm sorry... I just can't..."

He gently patted my back and consoled me.
This gray-haired man before me has been my only father figure for three whole years. I don't wish to disobey him, but I just can't...

"Pastor, I'm in disarray right now. I have so many questions and the answer to those questions only leave me more puzzles in return..."

"Cyrus, you—not going to church, is the very reason why people think you're an atheist or something!"

"Well let them think! You and I both know, and the Man up there knows too!"

He smiled at me and ruffled my hair with his wrinkled hands, "And that's the very reason why I know one day you'll come back to Him," He sipped the the last drops of his coffee then stood up, "Oh! I forgot to tell you, I need to go to the orphanage! The kids have been asking where big bro Cy is, maybe you want to visit them for a bit?"

I gave him a smile and walked him to the door. "I'll try to catch up later."

The pastor gestured a sign of the cross. "Take care, my child. May God be with you."

"Thanks, pastor. You take care as well."

When the pastor left I picked up a few things, wore my jacket and went outside only to remember I forgot something.

"My arnis..."

I've made it a habit never to forget them. Who knows, maybe it might come in handy, right?