Playing God (Helford #2)

(39) Reichenbach

“Caitie,” Valerie started but I quickly shook my head, using my hands to push myself up into a sitting position, breathing out heavily when the pain sliced through my abdomen. Jonathon guided me gently to lean me against his side, holding onto me so tightly that I would have thought that I was floating away and he was trying to keep me on the ground. I took a shallow breath, closing my eyes. I felt them all watching me cautiously, as if waiting for me to speak my last words, but I wasn’t going to let go that easily. I smiled humorlessly before I forced myself to look around at them, leaning a little harder into Jonathon.

“Let’s look at some of the facts for a minute,” I told them. “I’m badly injured to the point that I can’t be moved. I’m bleeding out, and probably bleeding internally. My stitches were done with string and a sewing needle. My odds aren’t exactly looking all that good at this point. And if we wait around here for any longer than we have to, the chance is better that Shawn is going to find us, and you’re one of your best fighters down. Shawn wants me to suffer before I die, so he’s going to kill all of you in front of me and probably torture me before I bleed out. And if I get a last wish, I would like to not have to experience any of that.”

“If we split up, we die,” Jonathon said solidly.

“If we stick together, we die,” I replied back softly, not looking at him. “If we split up, the odds are at least a little more optimistic.”

Meade stared me down, his face blank, and Valerie was crying. Jonathon was unmovable, but Jonathon wasn’t the opinion that I was the most worried about. I looked at the two seasoned agents across from me, two agents who had seen death, and had just seen one of their friends die only minutes earlier. I looked both of them in the eye so that they could see my determination, so that they could understand me just a little bit, but I didn’t look back at Jonathon, because I couldn’t feel the pain of the terror that would be in his eyes as he held me close, and watched me bleed out slowly from his arms.

“You know what I’m saying is true,” I murmured to my sister and one of the best men I have ever known, smiling, tears prickling at my eyes as I decided that I didn’t want to spend these moments wearing another one of my masks. “You’ll never be able to get away from him with me, and you won’t be able to win if you try to stand off with him here. I don’t want to have to watch you all die—I would rather die a thousand times over than to see that. So I’m telling you what you are going to do—you are going to turn around and leave me here, no matter how hard it is, and I can hold them off for long enough for you to get in a car and drive the hell out of this town. Are you listening to me?”

“I’m not leaving you,” Jonathon announced confidently, looking to Valerie and Meade. They didn’t look back at him, and his face fell. He looked between them again, with purpose, but they still didn’t spare him a glance, and that made him angry. “You can’t seriously be listening to her. It’s suicide!”

“What about today hasn’t been suicide?” Meade demanded, his voice loud. “We’ve already lost Parker, and we all know that we’re losing Caitie, and we don’t have any choice about what we’re going to do anymore.”

“But we don’t have to do this,” Jonathon said, his arms tightening around me. “I’m not leaving her. We’re going to have to think of something else.”

“Jonathon,” I whispered.

“No,” he said, his voice stern, but I could tell he was two seconds away from falling apart. “Don’t you dare even say what you’re going to say to me. Don’t you dare do it. I’ve lost enough today.”

“And you’re going to lose me, too,” I whispered, “if you don’t let me go.”

Jonathon shook his head, fighting tears so bravely. He pulled me closer to him and I had to crane my neck uncomfortably to look up at him, to see the devastated look on his face as Jonathon put together the pieces and saw what he didn’t want to see. “You’ll die if you stay behind.”