He cried for all it's worth - a Dan and Phil Short Story

And he cried for all it's worth...

"I'm so sorry"

"Yes, um, of course."

"He wanted to see you. During his last day, he asked if you were coming. If his Phil would be coming to see him. It was just this afternoon that he got hold of a black sharpie and scribbled down your cell number. That's how we found you. He was going to call all by himself, he knew he was slipping away, we're so sorry that it's too late."

"Thank you for taking care of him while he was alive. I just wish I could see him again."

"I thought you'd like to know that he didn't feel any pain. He died in his sleep the nurses said. It was very -"

"That's enough. Thank you so much for calling."

"You're welcome. Goodbye sir."

"Goodbye."

As the line went dead, Phil placed the phone down with a shaky hand. The 50 year old man sighed, resting his aching joints and back into his swivel chair. Before he realized what was happening, tears were cascading down his wrinkled cheeks.

Dan.
His best friend.
He hadn't seen him in years.

Phil tried to remember the man who had been his best friend. At first the memories were clouded with bits and pieces of his past, muddled and faded with age. But after a couple minutes, the cogs finally began to turn inside Phil's brain and the good times came back in a sudden wave of nostalgia. Dan's first video. The first phil is not on fire. The obsession with llamas and, of course, Delia Smith. The almost matching haircuts. The existential crises and near death experiences. He hadn't dug out these memories from the back of his mind in a long time. Now, suddenly, he was quickly unpacking them and going back through them like they were a photo album.
He remembered Manchester and their first apartment together. Starting the super amazing project. Moving to London. Having their own radio show! Despite the situation, Phil began to laugh. He laughed until his insides hurt. Until it was hard for him to breath and he had to stop to catch his breath. Those were some of the best memories he had with Dan because, soon after, he began to drift away.
Dan started to avoid him, turning down every offer to go places. Even when Phil asked what was wrong, he would find some clever way to evade his questions. On camera, Dan was as happy as ever, but as soon as he stopped recording, Dan always locked himself in his room. Phil, every so often, would hear a couple words of music through the walls.
He never got an explanation for this behavior.
Which is why he left.
Phil had found a girlfriend not too long after Dan stopped hanging out with him. She was kind and beautiful. She also loved lions and was perfectly fine with wasting a whole afternoon on the Internet. He loved her with all his heart. After four years of dating, Phil asked her to marry him. She said yes. They moved in together and Dan was left alone in the apartment.
A year later the happy couple had two twin boys.
Knowing that YouTube wouldn't pay for a family of four, Phil had stopped posting videos and got an office job with the newspaper. It wasn't as fun as YouTube, but it payed the bills. Might as well use his English degree for something.
He still kept an eye on his YouTube friends none the less. Dan stopped posting videos not long after he quit. Social media exploded for a couple days, but then fizzled out after people finally realized that they wouldn't be coming back.
Phil had watched Dan's final video get older and older. 1 month, 2 months, 5 months. When the video finally hit one year he was positive that Dan wouldn't be posting again.
Years went by. Phil and his wife adopted a little girl. The boys grew older and taller with every day.
Phil was happy.
Now, communications between Dan and himself hadn't completely stopped. They still sent each other birthday and holiday cards. They chatted and caught up on skype every so often. Dan had even been Phil's best man in his wedding. But, whenever Phil asked Dan if he was alright, he always changed the subject. Something was wrong with Dan Howell and Phil hadn't bothered to do anything about it.
Now he was gone.
Phil slammed his hand down on his desk in anger. He should have been there, weeping by Dan's side. Telling him to stay. Telling him that everything was going to be alright.
"I never said goodbye!" Phil shouted.
"To who?" Asked Phil's daughter, who had just walked in carrying his father's breakfast.
And Phil began to cry. Harder than he ever had. Phil had not only forgotten about the man who was his best friend, but he had left him in his time of need.
If the hospital in London hadn't called him, Phil probably wouldn't have even though about Dan.
Today, Dan Howell had taken his last breath, cried his last tear, spoke his last words. Alone.
Today, a medication overdose had taken his life. Dan had lasted longer than the doctors expected. But the effects of the drug were too strong, the damage had already been done.
Phil picked up the phone again. Slowly, he tapped in Mrs.Howell's number. Surely she would need help planning the service.
***********
As Phil stepped slowly towards the open coffin, he began to choke up. He didn't deserve to speak at Dan's funeral. Yet here he was, dressed in black with a tie and all, in front of a whole church of Dan's friends and family.
Here goes nothing, he thought.
"Where do I even begin? Dan Howell was one of the kindest, funniest, and most forgiving people I have ever met. Although he seemed dark and awkward on the outside he had a beautiful heart, that made him special, different from all the rest. I give Dan credit for all the goodness and happiness in my life and I can't help but feel that I've let him down."
Phil began to tear up, he wiped it away, determined on finishing his speech. For Dan.
"I-I should have been there. Kneeling at his death bed, wishing and praying for him to come home, to come back to me. But although he's gone, Dan Howell will always be in our hearts. I will forever cherish all we have done and I... I-"
Phil turned his back to the people, he walks quickly over to the coffin. He peered inside.
"I'm so sorry that this happened to you," Said Phil, addressing Dan now.
He willed Dan's eyes to open, for their warmth and glow to come back. He took Dan's cold, lifeless hand in his and began to softly sing the song that Dan had always loved. Phil's beautiful, angelic voice rang throughout the church. The crowd clapped, unsure of what was going on. This wasn't in the schedule. Phil looked over at the audience, and for the first time during the whole service, he smiled. Wiping away his tears again  he looked down at Dan, his Dan, for the last time. Quickly, Phil placed a light kiss on Dan's cold cheek, placing the flower from his lapel on his still chest. Then, he hobbled out of the church. The eyes of the audience followed him out the door, Phil could feel them. It wasn't until he was around the corner that Phil finally let out all his pent up emotions. He plopped himself down on an old rickety bench outside the church and cried for all it's worth because now...
His best friend.
Dan.
Was dead.
There was no denying it.