Distracted

➸Eight

Erin was in a ward in a hospital an hour away from Dearton. There were tubes coming out of her and an oxygen mask around her face again.

The feeling she had inside her still gave her chills. Cancer: such a powerful, life-shattering word. Lewis had left her a mobile phone to use and had a very sad and teary conversation with Georgia. Georgia sounded as devastated as she was. There were so many things she was going to have to cut down on because she wasn’t at work. She didn’t even want to think about the money. In fact, she could feel the cancer thriving on her despair.

Small Cell Lung Cancer.

She would need chemotherapy and maybe radiotherapy. The doctors had started to talk it through with her but she was still having trouble accepting the fact she was dying.

And the ironic thing was, she was deemed to meet the same fate as her father. She had watched him fade away as the doctors had tried to keep him alive. Now, her life was set on the same course.

The doctors said it was probably because of the smoking. She hated that, the thing that calmed her and helped her came right back around with bad karma. Lewis had been right all along.

God, Lewis, she thought. All thoughts focused around him for a moment. She felt mostly regret, for not telling him how she felt, and not spending more of her days with him. She worried for him, how he would cope with his parent’s divorce and the day he would break up with Caroline (it was inevitable) and would need someone to turn to.

Where would she be?

A doctor came in then to talk a bit further about the results from several scans and blood tests Erin had been through. The doctor said they could only see the cancer in one lung at the moment, but it still might have spread to the blood or the brain, as Small Cell Lung Cancer often did. She also said Erin was very unlucky for developing the cancer so young compared to most. But it meant she had more chance of surviving and recovering. This gave Erin hope. She wanted to live, for Lewis and Gabrielle and Georgia. Important people to her, who mattered, she wanted to spend more time with.

Time that was running out, ever so quickly.

Before she was due to start the chemotherapy, Lewis had to visit her again.

“Lewis!” Erin reached out as she saw the boy approach. He looked tired from restless nights, which she wondered were because of her. She had only been at the hospital two or three days (she had already lost count) but it felt like longer.

Lewis took her frail hand in his and held it as strong as he could. He was determined to be there to support her during this difficult phase. He tried to hold no doubt, tried to tell himself she would pull through because he knew deep down she would.

He seated on the plastic chair next to her bed and breathed in the smell of drugs and antiseptic. He had never liked hospitals much, how they were so full of the ill and dying. But right now, they were going to save Erin, he hoped.

“How are you?” he asked softly as if the words had been uttered any louder they would have damaged Erin even more.

“I’m okay,” she replied at an equal volume, if not, even weaker.

“Good. I know you’ll get better. We’ll get through this.”

Lewis had said ‘we’ll’ like he promised he would help her with every step. It gave Erin a surge of strength.

“We will.”

Lewis inhaled sharply. “I just can’t believe this has happened to you, Erin. Bad things always happen to good people.”

Erin laughed dryly at this. “I’m not good. I deserved this.”

Lewis was surprised by Erin’s response. “Of course you don’t deserve this! You’re one of the kindest, most modest people I know.”

Erin shook her head slowly against her pillow. Lewis watched the way her eyelashes fluttered against each other daintily when she blinked.

“No Lewis. In the end, there’s no difference between me and my father. No matter how much I tried to avoid it, I’ve become the same selfish person and now have to meet the same fate. Genetics, destiny, cigarettes, whatever. It’s all come down to this. My father and I were more alike than I thought. I’m dying, and soon I’ll be dead and gone, just like him.”

“Erin, don’t think like that; don’t allow yourself to. You don’t deserve this at all. I didn’t know your father but you are nothing like him. You don’t abuse people and care about no one but yourself. You have a beautiful heart that has so much left to give, I’m sure.”

To you, she thought.

“You can’t die now, Erin. There are people that still need you. I…I still need you.” He squeezed her hand. “You could’ve come to me to help you to stop smoking. You should’ve then maybe you wouldn’t be here in this situation now. I would’ve kissed you every time you craved one if it would have prevented you from lighting those damn things.”

“Don’t be stupid.”

“I would have.”

And suddenly, with the knowledge that he might lose her constricting his heart, the feeling came back. A flicker of light inside that made him want Erin. He wanted all of her to himself and he wanted to love her like no one else had before. He wanted to be able to hug her without reason and kiss her because he could. He wanted to hold her in the dark and protect her from the past. He wanted to sit with her on the beach and he wanted to take her to London and show her everything. He wanted to be her everything. 

Lewis leaned forward and kissed her cheek. It was cold and her skin had a grey tinge. He wanted his Erin back more than anything.

Erin had kissed and been kissed by Lewis on the cheek many times before but for some reason, she felt this kiss meant more. Maybe he only kissed her cheek because the oxygen mask was stopping him from kissing her lips. She craved to sit up and just kiss him wildly and passionately and march out of the hospital, jump on a bus and go home.

All because of the kiss and because something had changed in his eyes; the way he looked at her was different. It made her feel exposed. She liked it even though it scared her.

Erin focused on him again but it was like they were too far away now. Cancer was a great river between them and there was no bridge. “Don’t…say things like that. Don’t do this to me,” she started to tremble. “Not now.”

“What about what you’re doing to me? I can’t see you like this.”

“You’ll be okay.” Fatigue was overpowering Erin; Lewis was becoming blurry in front of her tired eyes. Another symptom, she remembered a doctor telling her.

“Erin?” his voice was more distant now. Too many thoughts were weighing her down.

“You’ll…”

 “Please stay.”

a/n: hello! please tell me what you think and if you like where this is going? sorry it's a bit sad (I'm not really a sad person, sorry I write such sad stories) but I have kind of fallen in love with Lewis a bit. Hmm. That's not really healthy. Anyway, my summer is almost over (noo) so updates will become quite infrequent as time goes on (I'm sorry again).

Well, feel free to PM me any time, I love reading messages and things <3