12:02pm
In our pack, there are four who are considered the most ‘wolf-natured’. There’s Ariel, who is easily roused by any angry stimuli, content on approaching a situation with ferocity. I remember this one time, when we were at a park with Hazel, she tripped over and had absolutely gone berserk and blushed a bright red when we tried to convince her to not go wolf-shit. Then there’s Kasen, who was very passionate about the things he dislikes and opposes. It could be about people, a way of doing something, anything; he could find a way to curse it with loud and powerful words. He’s a cool guy and all, but there are sometimes where I am totally grateful that I am not on the other end of his harsh words. I believe it could have stemmed from his mother’s nagging and telling-offs, but what would I know?
And then there’s me. I’m not quite sure why I think mine is the worst. It’s not that serious. Only critically severe whenever I let it go. I’ve never acted upon it, nor does it affect anyone. But I just feel like I’m a ticking time bomb whenever the hate and fiery fury blackens my stomach and blurs my reasoning. So far I have been able to subdue it without many aftereffects, but I don’t know how much longer I can take it. I’m constantly unsure about myself or about the people around me. What would happen when I can’t keep it together and explode? How many people could I hurt?
The answer was presented to me today. The fourth wolf in need of anger management is Jessana Hastings. She’s kind of a mixture of the three of us, effortlessly willing to express her outrage, passionate, and relentlessly loathsome. So much to the point of inflicting harm upon anything that can breathe. Some unfortunate students were on the business end of that behaviour, some sustaining injuries because of it. Not that I oppose the fact that they honestly needed a good beating. But the fact that Jess had to do it was the thing that got me gritting my teeth.
Watching her thrash about in The Attic through the one-way window with my arms crossed over my chest, I couldn’t help but judge her actions. What was she planning to achieve through giving Caroline that broken lip and bruised jaw? It won’t help in proving to the student body that she was not the culprit to the murder of Jenna Fitzgerald. Not that she really would care, but it wouldn’t hurt to at least try to maintain a clean history on her criminal record.
Then again, I could not simply yell at her once she had finished with her outburst of rage. Not only would I get a belting from Deron but I’m not in the right position to do so. I have to remember that I’m one of the crazy wolves. If it were some guys dissing on Jess or the fact that I raped Jenna or something, I would have done the same. The only difference is that I would actually have killed one or two, because Kasen or Deron wouldn’t be there to stop me. So all I had to do was wait for Deron to do what he does best and fill in for me.
When times are still and blissful, we used to always joke around saying that it was always funny seeing one of us look like rabid dogs in The Attic. We all took it lightly, because in most situations when the cage was used, it was usually after a playful fight that had escalated a little too far. We would all be on a high with laughter ringing in the air and making our stomach muscles sore. Now, there was nothing to laugh about, all there was, was fury and doubt. Even the way Jess threw herself at the walls and tore apart the decoy furniture was different. All it showed was blind wrath. I don’t believe there was any sadness or that she would be crying internally, no, Jess wasn’t like that. She was just ready to kill like any wolf had been genetically wired to.
I was the only one to witness her explosion. Ariel and Hazel were sent back to class by Bo, and Lyra and Kasen were probably only now being alerted about this whole mess. There was only one other incident that this room had to cater for Jess, and through that, I was the only onlooker too. So it made sense to watch over Jessana. We looked out for each other, whatever the situation we were dragged into and despite our own views. I just had to make sure that she wouldn’t hurt herself, intentionally or otherwise.
