Outer Space / Carry On | Michael Clifford AU

13.

That Saturday, Joan really did go into labour.

Dad had ducked into work to finalise a contract, and I'd been sitting on the lounge with a cup of tea and a blank sketchbook when Joan waddled in, her face a picture of pain.

"I think I'm in labour," she said, wincing through a contraction. I almost spilled my tea all over my lap. I called my Dad who was no less panicked than the last time we thought Joan was in labour. He showed up at the house fifteen minutes later, stuffing a speeding fine into his pocket.

Having already gone through a trial run, I made myself scarce while Dad and Joan timed their contractions. Every so often Dad would pop his head into my room to give me an update. The fifth time was the say they were leaving for the hospital. 

Once they left, a nervous excitement ran through me. The next time Dad and Joan came home together, they'd have a teeny bundle in their arms. I wondered if it would be a Sage or a Copper, or a Tilly or a Jagger. I wondered if maybe they'd still be unable to agree and bring the baby home without a name at all.

I decided to wait Dad's home office. He knew I liked to sneak in here from time to time. The spacious room was dark, and smelled of old leather and records. I loved sitting in the brown vintage armchair that sat in the corner. It's worn leather surface seemed to swallow me up. It looked like the perfect reading corner, right next to the wire stand where Dad's old record player sat.

I wasn't much of a reader, but I'd sat in here with a sketchbook every so often. Today, I peeled the Abbey Road vinyl from the floating wall shelf and placed it on the record player. In the leather chair, I felt two inches tall and cosy, smiling at my phone as I logged into Lonely Hearts Club.

Me: You guys, Joan's in labour!

Me: For real this time!

Pip: It's just me here. Spanner's hungover, Ashton had an appointment and Ingrid, maybe she's actually getting some sleep

Pip: That's exciting about Joan

Me: Yeah :) (It felt wrong to be talking about this with Pip. She lost her brother and here I was, hours away from gaining a new brother or sister. Time to change the subject.)

Me: Did your parents book that holiday?

Pip: Yeah. We're off to Greece

Pip: Woohoo (Can you hear my sarcasm?)

Me: I know it's going to suck but if you have to endure a sucky family vacation, Greece doesn't seem like it would be the worst place in the world

Pip: I'm just sick of playing pretend. I'm sick of the way they act like we're still family, like one piece isn't missing

Me: Have you tried telling them how you feel? That's supposed to help - according to Charlie

Pip: The last time I tried talking to them, they suggested family therapy

Pip: Which might actually help if they weren't in denial and could actually talk honestly about Todd and his drug addiction. Sometimes I think my Dad is thankful Todd died and could brush the problem under the rug. 

Pip: God forbid anyone know that our family actually has problems

Pip: Sorry. I know that makes me sound like a bad person

Me: You're not a bad person, Pip

Me: There's no handbook to any of this. There's no right way to deal with death (I wished I could take my own advice.)

Pip: I wish someone would write a handbook. At least then I'd know how I'm supposed to feel

Pip: Can we talk about something less morbid? Tell me about your creative crisis

Me: Still in crisis mode

Me: I'm so scared that I won't have anything to turn in for my major art piece this semester. If that happens I'll fail the class. It makes up 50% of our final grade

Pip: Yikes. That's a lot of pressure Alice

Pip: Maybe Ashton could help?

Me: I doubt it. Michael's been trying to help me and I'm still barren

Pip: Michael?

Pip: Who is Michael?

Me: The new boy at school

Pip: Is he cute?

Me: He has blue hair

Pip: So is he cute?

Me: I don't know

Pip: That means he is

Me: He's something else. That's for sure

Pip: What do you mean?

Me: I don't know. He's just unlike everyone else

Me: He's like something ethereal 

Pip: Oh my lord

Pip: He's definitely cute

Me: Stop saying that!

Pip: Why?

Me: Because...

Me: It's inappropriate

Me: A few minutes ago we're talking about death and now we're talking about a cute boy

Me: How is that possible? Or appropriate? What would the handbook say about this?

Pip: You know what? I'm having a revelation here, Alice. 

Pip: Fuck the handbook and how we're supposed to feel

Pip: This is real life. This is our life, and there's cute boys and family drama and school, and none of that stops or changes just because of death

Pip: The world keeps spinning, you know? (By this point, I wanted to stand up on the leather chair because I suddenly felt much bigger than the chair and the office and the house and everything else. Pip might not share many traits with her Dad but one day she was going to go into politics too, and she was going to be a great leader.)

Me: You're right. The world keeps spinning, and we have to as well. We can't refuse ourselves happiness or - I had to stop typing, there was someone ringing our doorbell. Maybe Joan's parents. I was surprised to see how dark it was outside already, still not used to the shorter, colder days that May brought.

I opened the door and there stood Michael.

He was dressed in black Converse, black jeans and a black hoodie. The only ounce of colour came from the tiny tuffs of blue hair sticking out from underneath the hood.

His mouth widened and a smile smacked me in the face. "Are you busy?"

I looked at the phone in my hand. There were three notifications from Pip, wondering where I'd disappeared too. "Not really," I managed to say through whatever what happening to my insides. Maybe it was Pip's revelation or the all-black ensemble, or the way that Michael showed up here announced with that smile on his face, but there was a knot of something forming in my stomach. A good something, a feeling I was not at all familiar with.

"Grab a jacket, Alice in Wonderland," Michael said, still smiling, twisting the knot of whatever-this-fucking-feeling-is further. "We're going for a walk."

i might post the next chapter today :))