Once Gone (a Riley Paige Mystery--Book #1)

Chapter 27

Hands still shaking, Riley reached into a kitchen cabinet for the bottle of vodka she'd stashed, the one she promised she would never touch again. She unscrewed the bottle cap and tried to pour it quietly into a glass, so that April wouldn't hear. Since it looked so much like water, she hoped she could drink it openly without lying about it. She didn't want to lie. But the bottle gurgled indiscreetly.

"What's going on, Mom?" April asked from behind her at the kitchen table.

"Nothing," Riley answered.

She heard April groan a little. She could tell that her daughter knew what she was doing. But there was no pouring the vodka back into the bottle. Riley wanted to throw it away, she really did. The last thing she wanted to do was drink, especially in front of April. But she had never felt so low, so shaken. She felt as if the world were conspiring against her. And she really needed a drink.

Riley slipped the bottle back into the cabinet, then went to the table and sat down with her glass. She took a long sip, and it burned her throat in a comforting way. April stared at her for a moment.

"That's vodka, isn't it, Mom?" she said.

Riley said nothing, guilt creeping over her. Did April deserve this? Riley had left her at home all day, calling occasionally to check up on her, and the girl had been perfectly responsible and had stayed out of trouble. Now Riley was the one being furtive and reckless.

"You got mad at me for smoking pot," April said.

Riley still said nothing.

"Now is when you're supposed to tell me that this is different," April said.

"It is different," Riley said wearily.

April glared.

"How?"

Riley sighed, knowing her daughter was right, and feeling a deepening sense of shame.

"Pot's illegal," she said. "This isn't. And—"

"And you're an adult and I'm a kid, right?"

Riley didn't reply. Of course, that was exactly what she had been starting to say. And of course, it was hypocritical and wrong.

"I don't want to argue," Riley said.

"Are you really going to start into this kind of thing again?" April said. "You drank so much when you were going through all those troubles—and you never even told me what it was all about."

Riley felt her chin clench. Was it from anger? What on earth did she have to be angry with April about, at least right now?

"There are some things I just can't tell you," Riley said.

April rolled her eyes.

"Jesus, Mom, why not? I mean, am I ever going to be grown up enough to learn the awful truth about what you do? It can't be much worse that what I imagine. Believe me, I can imagine a lot."

April got up from her chair and stomped over to the cabinet. She pulled down the vodka bottle and started to pour herself a glass.

"Please don't do that, April," Riley said weakly.

"How are you going to stop me?"

Riley got up and gently took the bottle away from April. Then she sat down again and poured the contents of April's glass into her own glass.

"Just finish eating your food, okay?" Riley said.

April was tearing up now.

"Mom, I wish you could see yourself," she said. "Maybe you'd understand how it hurts me to see you like this. And how it hurts that you never tell me anything. It just hurts so much."