Real Housewives Of Twitter

Season 1 Ep. 2

* = Interview

Gertrude*: Today, I watched Zayn's new music video, Pillow talk. I have to keep it a secret that I only just watched it. If Patricia finds out, she'll tell her 840 followers and they'll all unfollow me!

Patricia: I'm like, so over Pillow Talk.

Gertrude: Why? I think it's one of the best songs EVER!!

Patricia: It's been out for months now. Zayn better release a new song or he won't be my bae anymore.

Patricia*: To be honest, I'm not really over Zayn. I just want Gertrude to back off so that I can have him all to myself.

Gertrude*: I feel like there's something that Patricia's not telling me, and I need to get to the bottom of this.

Gertrude: Is there something you're not telling me?

Patricia: No, not at all.

Gertrude*: I KNOW she's hiding something.

Patricia*: I'm hiding something.

Gertrude: Okay, you need to tell me what's wrong, right now.

Patricia: Do you really wanna know?

Gertrude: (Raises eyebrows)

Patricia: Fine. I don't think you deserve Zayn. He belongs to me and me only.

Gertrude: What?!

Patricia: Zayn is MINE!!!

Gertrude*: OH HELL NOO

Gertrude: You did not just say that.

Patricia*: (He's Mine)

Patricia: Don't be mad because you're a flop who doesn't deserve the hottest guy on Earth and I know that you only watched the video earlier today.

Gertrude: How did you know???

Patricia: B*tch, I have Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat. If you were smart, you would only post it on Facebook so no me would see.

Gertrude: Really b*tch, cause (1) Ariana Grande called, she wants her hair back and (2) I know that you watched it on Thursday, so don't act all superior. Plus, Zayn followed my dog's neighbor's cousin's sister's friend's parent's dog's old owner's fan account.

Patricia*: OH HELL NOOO

Patricia: You know what?...

Gertrude: Whatt.

Patricia: I could rip your hair out like corn. Black corn. Maybe you'd even look like Donald Trump.

Twaimz: What are you guys even fighting about?

Patricia: Ummm...Who are you? FLOP ALERT!

Twaimz*: OH HELL NOOO

Gertrude: Wait, is this the llama guy again? I don't know why he's always here.

Patricia: You literally made two songs about llamas.

Gertrude: You're literally youtube Trump.

Patricia: Ugly a$$ potato.

Twaimz: If you know how I feel, why would you say that. Like, you put me in such an uncomfortable...Actually, you know what?? Fuck u.