Once Upon The Outsiders (Fairytale Version)

The Three Bears

Once upon a time in Tulsa, Oklahoma...

"Soda, Pony, get your breakfast!" Two-Bit called from the kitchen. Before Darry had to leave for work he told Two-Bit when to serve Soda and Pony's breakfast. Two-Bit hurriedly put Soda and Pony's breakfast on the table along with his.

Minutes later Soda came running in the kitchen with half his pants on. Ponyboy followed. Ponyboy sat down and looked at the breakfast Darry prepared: homemade porridge. Soda finally buttoned up his jeans and took a seat between Ponyboy and Two-Bit.

"Hey, Two-Bit," he said, picking up his spoon.

"Man, I'm starving!" Two-Bit said ignoring Soda. He picked up his fork to dig in.

And so they did.

Two-Bit tasted his first spoonful of porridge but suddenly took a spit-take. "Mine's too hot," he declared.

Ponyboy took a spoonful and swallowed it unwillingly. "Mine's too cold," he said, pushing his bowl to the side.

Soda took a spoonful and enjoyed every minute of it. It was just right. When he finished, he got up and ran out the door. Two-Bit decided he might as well catch his tongue on fire so he decided to leave the house and wait for his to cool off. Ponyboy did the same.

Two-Bit was second to run out the door. "See ya guys later!" he shouted, then sprinted away. Ponyboy was third to leave.

Then there was nobody inside the Curtis home. The three bowls of porridge were left on the table abandoned.

"SUP GUYS!" a voice shouted through the front door. The mysterious man entered the house and shut the door. "ANYBODY HOME?" He waited for an answer. "GUESS NOT." He walked through the living room and into the kitchen noticing the three bowls of porridge.

"Hmm, I'm pretty hungry," he said. So, he took a spoonful of the biggest bowl. He had trouble swallowing it. It was simply too damn hot.

Instead he tried the smaller bowl of porridge. It tasted funny so he put the spoon back in the bowl. It was too damn cold.

Then he tasted the middle bowl, larger than the smaller bowl but smaller than the larger bowl. It was just right. He finished all of the porridge and gobbled it up. This man was pleased and decided he would like to stay at the Curtis house for a while.

He just needed a place to sit.

He went back to the living room and noticed three chairs. Darry's large sofa chair, the couch, and a rocking chair. He first tried Darry's chair but it was too big to get on. Instead he tried the couch, but that was way too soft. Then he sat in the rocking chair, and it was just right. He started rocking back and forth for joy, until-

CRASH! He fell backwards and got up. "For cryin' out loud!" he said. The rocking chair broke into millions of pieces. "Eh, I'll blame it on Dally," he then said. He wrote a note and taped it to one of the pieces of the chair:

Darry,

My ass was too fat so your chair broke.

Love,

Dally ♥

The man smiled. He then looked out the window to see if anybody was coming, but he saw no one. Then he yawned. "Man, I'm gettin' kinda tired," he said, and searched the house for a bed to sleep in.

He walked into Darry's bedroom. He lied down on his huge bed but it was too hard. He got up and went to Soda and Ponyboy's bedroom. He first tried Soda's side of the bed, but it was way too soft. He then tried Ponyboy's side and it was just right. It was so comfortable that the mysterious man fell fast asleep...

Meanwhile, at three in the afternoon, Soda, Steve, Ponyboy, Johnny, Dally, and Two-Bit came back to the Curtis house. "Man, now to finish my porridge!" Two-Bit exclaimed running over to the kitchen. He looked inside the bowl. "Hey, SOMEONE ATE MEH PORRIDGE!"

"Mine too!" Ponyboy then said. He looked in closer. "And there's a hair in it!"

"Someone finished my porridge!" Soda said devastated. He then turned around. "Okay, which one of you did it?"

Steve raised his hands up in defense. "Don't look at me," he said.

Suddenly Two-Bit blasted out a bazooka gun. "BULLSHIT!" he shouted, and then fired at Steve. Steve collapsed onto the ground. A puddle of his blood was slowly forming.

Soda quickly ran over to his best friend. "Oh no, STEVE!" he shouted. He knelt down next to him. "Steve, buddy, say something!"

"BULLSHIT!" Two-Bit shouted again, and he fired this time at Soda. Ponyboy screamed on the top of his lungs like a little girl and took cover. Soda fell onto Steve, both gushing out blood.

"It's too damn early for this," Dally muttered. He leisurely took out a cigarette and accidentally set the couch on fire. He burnt to flames and died. He laid dead on the burnt couch.

Johnny looked around him. He noticed the broken rocking chair instead of his three dead friends lying on the floor beneath him. "Hey, who broke the chair?" he asked.

"I don't know, Johnny," Two-Bit said, his bazooka magically disappearing.

Suddenly they heard snoring.

Really loud snoring.

Ponyboy popped out his head from above the kitchen table. "Who's snoring?" he whispered.

"BULLSHIT!" Two-Bit blasted out his gun and shot Ponyboy in the face. Ponyboy flipped backwards and exploded in his own pool of blood. It was rainbow color. He died shortly after.

"C'mon Johnny, let's go see who's snoring," Two-Bit said nicely. Him and Johnny went to Darry's bedroom.

"Hold on Two-Bit, I need to poop," Johnny said. He sprinted to the bathroom and locked himself inside it. Meanwhile, Two-Bit kept on searching for the snoring person...or thing.

He heard the snoring louder. He was close. When he walked pass Soda and Pony's room he heard muffled groaned and a loud snore. Two-Bit quickly picked up a bomb and set it on fire. He quietly opened the door. He screamed when he saw the person sleeping on the bed and threw the bomb inside the room. He slammed the door shut and began to run out of the house.

KABOOM!!! Too late. The bomb exploded. Two-Bit fell onto dead Dally in a sexual way and died.

Ten minutes later...

Darry opened the front door. He was finally done with his shift at work and was really tired. When he opened the door his mouth dropped. The whole house was covered in ashes and everything was broken. He looked down on the floor. He saw Steve and Soda piled up on each other dead in a big pool of red blood. He then saw Dally on the floor with Two-Bit on top of him in a sexual way. They were both dead. Figures.

He looked back up. He walked over the four dead bodies and into the kitchen. There he saw his dead little brother, on the stove, covered in rainbow blood.

He walked past him and to his bedroom. He passed the bathroom on his way there, but smelt something terrible. The door was locked but he eventually unlocked it. Darry opened the bathroom door and saw a dead constipated Johnny on the toilet. He slammed the door shut and locked the door for eternity.

When he passed Soda and Pony's room, he saw Curly Shepard sleeping. He was dead.

Darry was furious. "WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE AT MY HOUSE!"

The End

A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed it! Each tale is going to be crazy. And I'm sorry if you're favorite character died. Plus, Darry didn't even notice the three porridge bowls, the broken rocking chair, and Dally's (Curly's) note. :)