Camp

Luke

"Hey Luke, you want one?" Caleb asks, offering me a loaded cigarette.

I shake my head no before making my vocal chords let out a small sound.

My throat is too dry, my eyes are too dry, and I woke up before the crack of dawn because I couldn't sleep.

"Your loss" he says with a shrug, lighting his own and taking a drag.

I sigh, leaning back against the porch of "our" abandoned house that we found as little kids - partners in crime. We always come here to do anything we aren't supposed to do, everything we are supposed to do, to relax, to dream, and to escape.

I rub my hands together while blowing my warm, dry breath on them, in an effort to make them warmer in the cool, crisp morning air. I look out at the broad horizon as it begins to turn to a light grey as the sun rises.

A new beginning.

I wet my lips, "You know I don't do that anymore. I can't."

"Yeah" he says, taking a breath, "But don't you kinda miss it? I mean, it wouldn't hurt once in a little while, right?"

"I don't know-" I begin to say, not sure if this conversation was just about the cigarette.

"-I get it. If only I could be as strong as you."

"Aw.... shit man." I groan. I do not want to talk about this right now.

"Whatever."

I let the silence settle over us, looking out over the valley. My hands begin to itch.

Caleb stands up and puts out his cancer stick before reaching down to give me a hand up.

"Hey dude" he says holding both of my hands in his and looking into my eyes, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"- I know. Its just still hard sometimes. But I don't want to scare my family like that ever again. I don't want to scare you either. "

He lets go of my hands with a quick nod and a small smile, walking to the path leading down into the valley.  I follow slowly behind him, pausing to brush the twigs, dirt, and dry leaves of my black skinny jeans, and to pull my beanie down over my ears.

We weren't the bad boys of our small town, but we weren't the best kids either.  We weren't the most popular kids of all, but were weren't alone either. We've had our very bad times, but good times as well. I liked it that way. We were different. We defied almost all high school social stereotypes.

My black Vans become caked with soft brown dirt as I trudge down the hill - right into Caleb's back.

"What the-"

"-SHHHHHH!" he hushes, putting a finger to his lips.

I bit the ring around my lip nervously as I hear the rustling of the leaves.

The rustling stops, and Caleb takes a step forward, snatching the warmth-providing garment from atop my head.

"Hey man, give that back. Its cold."

"Not too cold to do one of those little kiddie nature walk things."

"Is that why you shushed me?"

"Maybe, maybe not. But I could practically hear your mind working back there. I bet you were thinking about a lot more than you even knew. Its not good for you."

"I'm sorry-"

"-Now go, take a moment to yourself and walk. I'll be right behind you. And whatever you do, don't think about the present, past, or future." he says, motioning with my beanie for me to lead the way.