Both Sides Now

Chapter 17

I timed my arrival at the Carmichael house perfectly and slipped in unnoticed with the delivery men who were setting up tables in the main entry area, the cavernous room obviously to be where the party was held. I was so nervous I barely registered the twinkling lights and crystal goblets being set out by a wait staff dressed in white and black. I held a simple black dress on a hanger that I would change into, should I decide to stay. Hitching my bag higher up onto my shoulder, I took the stairs two at a time toward Elle's room, hoping she'd be there. Based on the time of day, and knowing Carolyn's strict schedule with her, I was right.

I pushed the door open quietly, observing her for a moment unnoticed. The girl was sitting at her small, round table in the corner of the room, coloring and humming to herself. She looked up, surprised to see me but a grin broke out on her face as she came bounding forward. The tug on my heart worsened as I hugged her tightly. I didn't let go for a moment too long and she pushed out of my arms.

"Riley, I thought you were coming yesterday! Are you going to come to the party tonight? Mommy said I could go but not for long, I have to go to bed." She giggled. "She doesn't know I'm going to sneak out and watch though." Elle glanced back up at me. "Are you coming?"

"Slow down, Elle, that's a lot of questions," I said, settling myself down on the floor next to her. "I'm sorry I wasn't here yesterday…that's sort of what I came to talk to you about."

Elle's face fell and I silently cursed her for being so precocious. She was smarter than I thought. "You're quitting, aren't you?"

"How did you know?"

"Because this is what they all do before they quit."

I closed my eyes, my heart breaking for the little girl. "Come here," I said, pulling her into my lap. She came to me willingly but sat, dejectedly in my lap as I smoothed her hair down.

"It's ok, Riley. I figured you'd leave pretty soon. Mommy isn't very nice to you I don't think."

Sometimes Elle was so much like a tiny adult it scared me. "It's more complicated than that. Your mom…well, she just wants what's best for you and your family. But sometimes she might go about it in the wrong way. Do you understand?"

Elle nodded and looked up at me. "You were my favorite," she said quietly.

I could do nothing to stop the welling of tears at her admission and I wrapped my arms around her small body, holding her tightly for a moment. "You're my favorite, too. But Elle, just because I'm quitting doesn't mean I'm not going to see you anymore."

"Really?" she asked, pulling away and looking up at me. "Are you going to come back and visit Uncle Charlie?"

I shook my head, smiling. "How do you know so much?"

"Are you his girlfriend?" she asked in an accusatory tone.

I laughed. "I'm not quite sure yet. But yes, I am going to come back to visit your uncle and that means that I'll get to see you, too."

"Good," she said easily and stood up, seemingly forgetting that she was even sad about my departure in the first place.

I shook my head, still grinning at her. "Elle, no matter what happens…I want you to know I think you're a terrific kid, ok?"

"Ok!" she said, sitting down at the table. "Do you want to color with me?"

"I wish I could, but…I have to go talk to your mom first." I bent down to plant a kiss on top of her blonde head. I hadn't realized until that moment just how far she'd worked her way into my heart. It seemed to be a familial trait. "I'll see you soon, though." I left my bag in her room and hung my dress in her closet, still not sure if I'd be staying.