Stepping out of my car, I wave goodbye to my mother, and start walking into the school. When I arrive at my locker, my friends bounce up next to me.
"Hey Caden! How was your weekend?" Riley smiled at me, her pink braces winking at me in the light. I smiled back at her, so happy that she calls me by my new name. She's my best friend, and the first person I told that I was a transgender man.
"It was okay, I guess. Just dealing with crippling dysphoria, but other than that it's okay." Dysphoria is a state of unease or generalized dissatisfaction with life. I feel this way because even though I know who I am, I have to hide my true self in fear of being ostracized by my peers and family.
"Aw, I'm sorry C. You can talk to me whenever you feel this way." I blushed a deep red. I'm so happy to have someone as caring as her as my best friend. We've known each other since kindergarden, which says a lot since we're both sophomores now.
Isaac socked me right in the arm, smirking. "Hey, don't be sad, dude. We're here for you!" Rubbing my arm, I stick my lips into a pout.
Staring at my two best friends, I tear up. These wonderful people are the only ones that support me. And I support them with as much love as they do me. Before I could say something sappy, the bell rang. We all dispersed into our classes.
Riley and I have first period together, Algebra 2. Sitting next to each other, we compare homework. As hair falls into my eyes, I scoff. Pushing it out of the way, I pull it into a ponytail.
"Are you going to get it cut soon?" Riley asks me. Puzzled, I stutter.
"I dunno. I might not, because I don't want my parents to get suspicious. And then again they might not let me anyway. They'll say the shorter look is for boys, not girls." I rolled my eyes and practically gagged. I hate being misgendered. Especially by my parents.
"To hell with them. I can take you tonight, they don't even have to know."
"I dunno R. Do you think I'm ready for something that drastic?" As I bite the inside of my cheek, I imagine myself with different hairstyles.
"You were born ready!" She nudges me and winks. I giggle back.
"I guess it's a plan then."
****
When the bell rings, Riley and I split up. I meet with Isaac as we head to AP human geography. Sitting next to each other, I explain me and Riley's plan to him. High fiving me, he has the biggest grin on his face.
"I can't believe you're finally ready, Caden!" I blush at him, and hide my face. "You know you can borrow some of my clothes if you want? I've got a ton to spare."
"Thank you, I. But I don't know if I'm ready for just that yet. My parents are obviously going to be suspicious about the hair, I don't know how they'd react with the clothes." I sigh, turning back towards him.
I don't exactly know how my parents would react. I know they didn't act too terribly when I told them I thought I was bisexual..
Looking behind the corner of the door, I stare at my parents. I have a secret to tell them, and it could possibly be life or death. Clearing my throat, I walk into the living room. My mother, on her phone, looks up at me. My father, watching TV, doesn't pay attention to me.
"Hello Ava. What's wrong?" My mother puts down her phone and motions for me to sit next to her. I do as asked, and clear my throat.
"Dad, can you pause the TV real quick?" I catch him glare at me through the corner of his eyes. He obliges, and impatiently waits for me to talk. Running a shaking hand through my hair, I take in a deep breath.
"I have to tell you guys something.." My voice is shaking, as well as my whole body.
"It's okay, dear. What is it?" My mother puts the back of her palm onto my forehead, checking my temperature. I shoo her hand away, and straighten my posture.
"I, um. I like girls," I say in one breath. Quickly, I add, "But I do like guys, too.." My mother's face goes ghost white. My father's seems to be a greenish color. Could I possibly have disgusted him?
My mother is Catholic, and my father is Baptist. This being said, I was expecting a bad reaction. But I just wanted to get it off of my chest.
"Avery, you don't know what you are yet. You're only 14." My dad spits out spitefully.
My mother stands up, shaking. She starts to walk out of the room. "I.. I don't know how to feel about this." My mother's brother is gay, so I had no reason to believe she would disown me? Most definitely she will learn to understand me. "Ava.. You know I want grandkids."
"Yes, I know mom. But I can't guarantee that. If I fall in love with a girl.. We won't be able to have kids. Unless we adopt." I think I hear my dad gag. I shoot him a look, but he isn't looking at me at all.
"I meant biological grandkids," my mother turns towards me. "I'll support you through anything, dear. But I don't know about this yet."
As my mother walks out of the room, I turn toward my father, awaiting his next response. Alas, he did not say anything to me. Instead, he turned the tv back on and blared the volume. Tearing up, I run upstairs.
Falling onto my bed, I cry into my pillows. I should've known not to tell them. It was so silly to think they would accept me. I guess I'll never actually be myself.
