douchebags & donuts (TheFoodSeries#1)

"the accident"

jaison

I can't believe it! How could I've been so stupid. I should have seen it coming, but it's too late now.

A lot went through my head when I thought about "the accident". It's been a week and I still can't wrap my mind around it.

"stupid, stupid , stupid" I mumbeld to myself. I groanded in frustration, I shouldn't be thinking about this, my brain is going to explode sooner or later.

"that's it I can't take it anymore!"I exclaimed. ughhh I really need some distracion. "Whitney!!..." I yelled at my sister "...do you want to go out? I could buy you some clothes or we could go to that make-up store you're always talking about."

"I would love to, but I can't" ,she shouted back at me, "I promised xemi that I would go to his match today."

I sighed, Xemi was her boyfriend. He was nice and treated my sister well but I still don't like him . Beacuse of him I couldn't hang out  with  my sister as  much as we used to, my sister and I were pretty close, we used to do everything together. But ever since she started dating Xemi the two of them are inseperatable.

I grabbed my headphones and put on my jacket. I was going outside alone. I lost all of my friends, not that I had that many anyways, when "the accident" happened. Unlike my sister who is gaining more friends everyday. I used to be like her, popular. All the girls used to want me and all the guys wished to be more like me.

I'm not going to say that I'm not missing the attention I used to get, heck I loved the attention. I used to live for it. But it changed, suddenly people stopped hanging out with me and talking about or with me. I still don't know the reason why.  But I think it was because ever since "the accident" happened I closed myself more off, I stopped coming to parties, I stopped hanging out with my friends and talking to people im general. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a badboy or lone wolf or something like that.  I'm just another teenager trying to figure myself out in a big scary world, that seemed to hate  me and all the other living beings because the only thing it does is hurting everyone and everything. And don't give me that crap that you are completly happy and that the world never hurted you is some way, because it has or it will. You will always  lose some one or something. And in my case I lost my will to live. I don't want to kill myself but I just feel like I'm stuk in this stupid rut, everyday feels the same. I wake up , eat,  go to school, eat and then I'm going to sleep and this routine keeps repeating itself. I just feel like I have no purpose in this world. everyone thinks he or she is going to make an inpact on the world some day. They want to become famous singers, dancers, writers, actors, football players or they want to cure cancer , stop a war or stop world hunger. And eventhough we know we are not capable of doing something like that we never stop trying. We want everyone to know us, admire us, learn something from us or to look up to us. We become so determined to reach or goals that we forget the small things that are truely making us happy. we forget to give attention to the people we care about,  we hurt people just to reach or goals, and that's fucked up. And I'm not saying that I want you to give up on your goals. I'm just saying that you shouldn't let your goals control  you, you should have fun and set low goals for yourself instead like : don't fall asleep in biology again or finally talk to the girl you like today.  I'm sure you're thinking that I'm talking bullshit and that you won't lose people just to reach your goals . But it happened to me, and look where I am now , alone without friends.

I ran my hand through my dark brown hair, maybe it's better this way. I'm just not worthy of having friends beacuse I always fuck it up somehow. I don't even know why I still try, I don't want to hurt people I care about anymore.

Every- friking -time I try and get friends it goes wrong and they give up on me eventually. eventhough I'm not showing it, It's breaking me apart on the inside.