Thoughts Upon Thoughts

The Past and the Future

Ever thought about your past? About the person that you were before shit happened. The innocent, little kid that didn't have to worry about anything. It seems so long ago that I was once that little kid.

But people become monsters and start to point out your flaws that make up you. Then you pretend to be something you're not. To fit in. I've dealt with this my whole life. Middle school and high school.

In 6th grade I got a haircut. Really short. People used to tease me that I looked like a guy. 7th grade was even worse. I grew my hair out but I still got called names, this time about my weight. I was strong back then. I was able to laugh it off regardless of getting called ugly and fat. Of course, being the optimist I was, I thought 8th grade was going to be better. Boy was I wrong.

Rumors got started about me. Some girl showed up and took the spotlight away and everything that made me feel important. I had to watch her break my friend's heart into tiny little pieces and I couldn't do anything about it. And I was naive. So damn naive. I trusted too easily. I trusted the girls that acted like my friends but actually talked about me behind my back. Even when I found out that they were talking about me, I continued to be their friend. Once upon a time I used to believe in second chances. But some people ruined it for me. I believed that people change. That anyone deserved a second chance. Now I only give second chances to people who actually want to try to fix things.

High school came around. I came in 9th grade with so few true friends. I had that worry that none of the upperclassmen would like me because if nobody in my grade liked me, then why would anyone older like me? Sure I was outgoing but I didn't overdo it. I didn't want to give them a reason to think I was weird. I sort of kept to myself until second semester. Theatre class was probably one of the only classes that I could be myself in. Even then I didn't show my true colors.

But as the years went on I discovered new friends. Ones who showed me the real definition of friendship. They told me the truth. They joked around with me but never *about* me (Except those Claire jokes). They made me feel like I could trust again.

So in a instance, I'm glad I changed. If I hadn't, my life would've been flipped upside down. And I have many things and people to thank for that. My brain for actually changing the way I was living life. My heart for finally realizing that the people I was around were like poison. Some of my teachers that taught me to follow my dreams. And most importantly, my friends. For showing me that they're are people that will love you for you.