Bad Blood-Memories

Panic

A/N: This was requested by peoplelover99 . Sorry it took so long. Really suck at this while updating thing....Also, this one's gonna be a little different as it's gonna be in Kat's P.O.V in italics (Only the beginning) and Dean's normal. I know I normally do third in this book but this one works better from first. I'll add the POV's just to make it easier to understand though so you don't actually have to worry and this entire AN was kind of a waste of time. You're welcome.

Also, I want to let everyone know that this is about panic attacks and if you suffer from them, I'm here to talk. I don't want you to read this and have you be uncomfortable so please, read at you own risk. I know not everyone suffers from panic attacks the same so if this isn't similar to what you experience, that's okay. The cold shower trick is actually a real thing to help cope with panic attacks. The more you know!

Kat:15 (By the way....cause I don't think I've ever actually clarified. She has freckles that scatter across her nose and across her cheeks. They aren't always visible and there isn't a lot)
Dean:18

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Kat's P.O.V

White.

That was the only color I saw as I looked around the bland room. The walls, ceiling, and floor. Even the dress I was in was a pearly white. The only splash of color came from the one painting  hung on the wall, the dark color drawing my attention and beckoning me to walk towards it. The image disturbed me, the dark story being told seeming completely strange in the light room. I couldn't shake the awful feeling settling in my stomach and the longer I stared at the painting, the worst it got. I felt as if the figures within the drawing were moving, bending and their faces contorting as their mouths opened in a constant scream of pain. At first, I thought it was my imagination but screams suddenly filled the air, the people being dragged down eyes were watching me, silently begging for help.

I stumbled back, a startled yell escaping my lips that soon changed to one of pain when a burn spread through my feet. I looked down to see crimson staining the white floor, pooling from under my feet. Shards of glass scattered the floor around me and every time I tried to move, more would cut into my bare feet. I tried to get away but ended up slipping and the sharp shards sliced my knees and hands as I landed on the floor. Hot, salty tears ran down my face as it cut deeper with every move.

The room was silent apart from my scared, pain filled crying and I could have sworn the walls were beginning to close in. A dark, cynical chuckle echoed through the room and my eyes flickered to every corner. The white room revealed nothing."Hello?"I screamed.

"How does it feel, Katherine?"An oddly familiar voice whispered. It felt so close like it was right behind me. I could even feel it's breath heaving into my hair. I turned round quickly but found nothing.

"Where-who are you?"I asked, trying to move the glass around so it didn't slice me more.

"Oh Katherine....You're asking the wrong questions."He laughed, the sound bouncing off the walls.

"What do you mean?"

"Still wrong."He tutted and I looked around frantically, wanting to pin-point the location but couldn't. "Can you feel it?"

I paused, trying to figure out what he meant."Feel what?"

"The darkness. I know you can. It's comforting isn't it? Just allow it in, Katherine."

"I don't know what you mean."I cried, my eyes widening in horror as a black substance started to crawl up the white walls. Decay started to spread across the floor, circling around me in a taunting manor. The once heaven like room quickly turned to one of  nightmares. Faces seemed to push through the walls as if they were trying to break free, all of their mouths open in a silent scream like the figures in the painting. Darkness swirled around me in thick black smoke and I couldn't help the small cry of terror that left my lips as I tried to pull myself away. The pain of the glass was almost numb as the fear took over and I jumped as my back hit the wall, panicking when I realized I had no where left to go.

"Don't be afraid, Katherine. Just let it in."The man's voice echoed through the dark room.

"No!"I yelled, whimpers leaving my mouth as small black tendrils started to snake out from the cloud. Slowly, they made their way across the floor, wrapping around my ankles. I struggled, gripping onto anything and everything to try and get away but it tugged, dragging me to the center of the room. I screamed, clawing and the floor boards till my fingers bled.

"Stop fighting."He growled, his voice dripping with venom. I still didn't know where he was or who he was."Allow it in. I promise it will feel better, Katherine."

"Stop, please."I begged and the smoke crawled up my body, slowly suffocating me as it pressed onto my chest and made it's way up my face.

"Don't be scared."He whispered, his voice sounding so far away as my vision became clouded with the smoke. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see, I couldn't hear. The only thing I was aware of was the darkness surrounding me.

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Dean P.O.V

Bobby and Sam had gone out a few hours ago for school or something. I wasn't really paying attention when Bobby told me and didn't bother to ask again when they left. Kat was supposed to go with them but she decided to stay, saying she needed to catch up on some sleep. The minute they were out the door, she was up the stairs asleep before her head even hit the pillow. I stayed downstairs alone and just watched TV, flicking aimlessly through the channels.

After about an hour and finding nothing but crappy daytime TV, I got bored. I forced myself from my seat on the couch and towards the TV to turn it off when I heard a slight sound from upstairs. I wouldn't call it a scream but it defiantly sounded as if someone was thrashing around and whimpering. I quickly switched the television off and the sound became more apparent in the silence, the whimpers of fear louder. They defiantly sounded feminine and young making me wonder if it was Kat.

"Kat?"I called out, edging my way towards the stairs slowly. Reaching into the closet, I pulled out a shotgun that I knew Bobby always kept and turned back towards the stairs. Suddenly, a piercing scream filled the air and I abandoned all caution, bolting up the steps and bursting into Kat's room. She was led  in her bed, her head thrashing from side to side as her body shook. Groans, whimpers and the occasional cry of fear left her lips. "Kat!"I yelled.

I rushed towards her and took a hold of her shoulder, gently but firmly shaking her. Sweat was dripping down her forehead and her eyes were tightly screwed shut, her hair matting to her forehead as she thrashed. I started to shake her harder when she wouldn't wake up."Stop, please!"She screamed, her body freezing but stiffening to the point I swore I could hear her bones crunch.

"Hey, Kat! Wake up, come on, wake up. I'm here. I'm right here."I cooed, my voice becoming concerned and frantic as I saw her uneven breathing. Suddenly, she jolted upright with a blood curdling scream. I jumped back to avoid being hit and watched as she looked down at her own body as if to check it. "Kat?"

She flinched, her wide eyes snapping to me. She was panting, her breaths coming out in short wheezes."De-Dean?"She stuttered, her hands coming up to her throat and scratching under he chin. I furrowed my eyebrows in concern and confusion and moved towards her."I ca-can't b-bre-breathe."

"Woah, hey, it's okay."I assured, not knowing what was happening. I sat on the edge of her bed and grasped her shoulders, gently rubbing circles into her skin to try and calm her. It wasn't working; her breathing was quick and shallow."Kat, what's happening?"I asked frantically.

"He-help."She pleaded, clawing at her throat. I looked around for what I don't know, but I just wanted to help her. I didn't know what was happening but it sounded like a panic attack. I haven't ever experienced them or been around anyone that does but the way she couldn't catch her breath made me think that's what was happening. It was my only guess.

"Uh, Kat...just-um, look at me. Focus on me and breathe in and out."I tried, uncertainty in my voice. I wasn't a doctor or anything, I didn't know how to stop this. Her blue orbs met my green ones and she tried to breathe in through her nose and out through her mouth but with each breath, her body shook and the tears in her eyes started to fall down her freckled cheeks. I saw her eyes start to unfocus as she fell forward into my arms, the lack of air entering her lungs meaning she was getting lightheaded. The way she was looking around seemed as if she wasn't really aware of what was going on, she was just struggling to breathe and that was the only thing she knew. "Kat! Oh god, what do I do?"

She didn't answer, her body swaying in my arms as her breaths continued to wheeze. A thought crossed my mind as I recalled reading about some methods to deal with panic attacks once. I sighed and shifted off the bed."Sorry about this, Kat. I know you're gonna hit me for it later."I said and picked her up bridal style so her shaking form was cradled to my chest. Without much acknowledgment from her, I rushed to the bathroom and set her down so she was lent against the wall. The freezing water blasted down from the shower head as I turned the dial and I pulled away, rolling up my sleeves before pulling her back into my arms and putting her under the water.

She gasped loudly, her body instantly stiffening as she tried to move away. I pushed on her shoulders as she struggled to try and keep her in but she started to cry, hiccuping with her sobs. I hated being helpless and that was exactly how I felt in that moment. I kicked off my shoes and climbed in with her, cursing as the water cascaded down my body. Pulling her into my arms, I trapped her against me so she couldn't leave the water. She struggled against me for a minute more but eventually settled into my chest, exhaustion taking over. I assured her with comforting words and small kisses on her head, trying to help her through it to know she was safe. Her chest heaved for a few moments before her breathing started to slow.

My fingers ran through her hair as I waited for her to drag the appropriate amount of air into her lungs. The temperature of the water had long ago stopped affecting me as my body got used to the feeling and I knew Kat was okay with it too. I looked down and she blinked a couple times, her eyes searching the bathroom before they shifted up to lock with my own."De-Dean?"

"Yeah, Kat. I'm here."I sighed, leaning my head back against the tiles.

"What are we doing in the shower?"She asked, her body shaking slightly from the cold now rather than her panic attack. I laughed,closing my eyes and tightening my hold on her.

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Kat's P.O.V

Dean hadn't really explained how we ended up fully clothed in the shower but he had got us both out. He even insisted that he carry me back to my room although I did try to tell him I could walk. He left me on my bed as he rushed around the house to get some towels, bringing them back and promptly wrapping me up in them. He sat behind me and towel dried my hair, a few giggles escaping my lips when my head moved with his movements.

After making sure I was dry, he started to dry himself and brought his duffel bag into my room."Alright,um-get out of those clothes. I'm gonna go change in the bathroom. Give you some time."Dean announced, grabbing some clothes from his bag before shuffling out of the room. I sighed as the door clicked shut, heavily throwing myself onto the bed.

Now that I was alone, all I could do was think. I remember my father and Sam leaving but not wanting to go with them because I was exhausted. I remember coming upstairs and lying on my bed. I remember.....the nightmare. It had felt so real. I wasn't even sure it was a dream, part of me didn't fully believe that it was. But I cannot remember waking up or anything that happened with Dean. I can recall the feeling of helplessness and the heavy feeling in my lungs but nothing else. The only vivid thing that was present in my mind was the darkness. The feeling as it crawled up my body, the fear and the........the comfort.

I shook my head, clearing my thoughts as they started to head in a dark direction. Instead of dwelling, I stood up and started to strip from my damp clothes, pulling on a pair of dry, clean shorts. I was searching through my drawers for a top when my eyes spotted a shirt laying on the top of Dean's duffel. I glanced towards the door, debating whether or not to do it but eventually shrugged, snatching the fabric in my hands and pulling it over my head. My hair was still wet so I tried to towel dry it a little more as I waited for Dean.

Finally, a knock came at the door and I paused my movements. Dean's timid voice drifted through the wood."Kat? You decent?"

"No I'm stark naked. But please, come in."I teased, a smirk making it's way onto my face. He opened  the door, rolling his eyes and started to make his way over to me, pausing. His eyebrows furrowed and he lifted a finger, pointing down at me.

"Is that mine?"He asked and I looked down to his shirt.

I smiled up at him sheepishly and shrugged."I like wearing your shirts."

He rolled his eyes again but I saw the small smile on his lips. He plopped himself down beside me and sighed deeply, looking to me with a raised eyebrow."So, what happened?"

"I was hoping you would tell me that."I chuckled but stopped when I saw his un-amused face."I don't remember."

"What do you mean, you don't remember?"He questioned in disbelief."Kat, I heard you screaming. I came upstairs to help you but you wouldn't wake up. When you did....you couldn't breathe. I-I didn't know what to do."He explained, his face filling with pure concern.

I felt guilty, knowing that he must have been worried and that I couldn't even give him the comfort in the knowledge of why it happened."I'm sorry, Dean. I just.....I don't remember."I lied. Of course I partly remembered what happened but telling him about it wouldn't help.

"Okay, it's fine. Bobby and Sammy should be back soon."Dean said and led back on my bed, propping his head up under his arm. I opened my mouth to answer when scratching came at my door and a slight whimper. I smiled and got up, opening the door to allow my dog in. Rumsfeld  ran into the room, sniffing across the floor and under the bed as if to search for any danger. When he couldn't find any, he ran at me, jumping so his front paws rested on my chest.

"Hey baby. It's okay, I'm fine."I assured, ruffling his ears. He made a whining sound as if he was talking back to me and I giggled, pushing him off and jumping on my bed beside Dean, patting the space next to me. Rumsfeld didn't even take a second to leap up and curl into my side."I'm tired."

"Tired?"Dean inquired, surprised as I laid down next to him, smoothing Rumsfeld."You slept for like two hours, Kat!"

"But now I'm tired again."I shrugged, my eyes already beginning to droop.

He chuckled and then did something that surprised me. He turned on his side and wrapped his arms around my waist, dragging my body into his so my back was against his front. A breath escaped my mouth in shock as he tightened his hold, burying his face into the back of my neck."Then let's sleep."He whispered, his breath fanning against my skin.

"You wanna take a nap?"I questioned but settled in, Rumsfeld moving till he was pressed to my stomach.

"Yes now shut up."Dean muttered, his breathing slowing as he started to drift off. I was worried he could feel the racing of my heart or hear the way my breathing became uneven. Yes, we had been friends for about two years now and we have known each other longer than that. Throughout those years, we had shared a bed and even a bath when we were a lot younger but we had never....cuddled. This was new."You're okay now, Kat. I'm gonna keep you safe."He whispered softly after a moment of silence.

I smiled, my heart fluttering at his words. I felt safe in his arms like I never have before. I knew I could go to sleep and not worry about nightmares. It was that feeling that allowed me to slip in sleeps arms.