Pyro sat in his computer chair, hugging his plushie Sir Claude The crab to his chest. He had just finished doing a video and had posted it on YouTube. He was playing cs:go and had won a match with his friends: tea kettle and Russian pig.
"Hey paintbrush!" His girlfriend yelled from upstairs. She was the daughter of Kim Jong Un, her name was hyojin. he felt the need to do whatever she said in fear of getting killed.
"I'm coming!" He replied, placing Sir Claude the crab on his desk and petting Unjo Gratis the forbidden monkey God on the head. Niall trudged up the stairs and entered him and his girlfriend's shared bedroom. "What is it my love?" He asked.
"I want a baby." Hyojin declared, shoving him onto the bed and having sex with him.
Pyro woke up with his girlfriend by his side. He quietly got her off of him and made his way back down stairs. He gave sir unjo gratis the forbidden monkey his daily dose of memes, grabbed a bag of mlg Doritos for himself, and sat back down at his desk.
"You guys want to play some cs:go?" He asked his friends. They all agreed since they had no life and nothing else to do. Pyro played like a noob and tried to ace with a pistol but failed, somehow getting his teammates killed in the process. The counter-terrorist won the game making the Russian pig yell cyka BLYAT repeatedly.
"I hate you Pyro." The tea kettle said.
"Kick Niall!" The Russian suggested. Everyone agreed and soon enough Pyro was kicked from the game now he had nothing to do. He scarfed down his mlg Doritos and shot the bag at the trash can.
"Well now I have nothing to do. " He thought out loud.He grabbed sir Claude the Crab and headed over to his nooby Xbox and started playing black ops 3.
"Paintbrush can you pick up Calvin from school?"" Hyojin asked. Niall sighed and threw Sir Claude the crab across the room.
"Okay my love."
Niall got into his car put Whitewoods Beachwalk on the radio. He pulled out of his drive way and made his way to little Calvin's school. When he got there Calvin was already waiting outside.
"Dad, I hate you." Calvin groaned as he got into the car. "How was your day son?"
"MY day was horrible. I injected only 10 weeds and my friends abandoned my for some new guy called Austin or luna. His stories are so fake dad." Calvin went on and on about his day, Pyro not paying the slightest bit of attention.
"Ok son that's great and all but I have to tell you something."
"What is it dad?"
"I'm gonna be leaving you at uncle type two diabetes's house for the weekend."
"Awe come on dad. I hate staying at uncle type two diabetes's house cause he always tries to do the back stab thing with me. It never works but it's annoying."
"The good ol backstab trick is amazing, I don't see why you hate it so much. Oh and don't forget about the back step. Just make sure not to fall of a ledge or anything." Niall rambled on. This time it was Calvin's turn to not pay attention. He put on his headphones and turned up Darude Sandstorm.
By the time Pyro finished talking about how to beat Thicc souls 3, they were already home.
"OK bye dad." Calvin exclaimed, bolting into the house and locking himself in his room. Pyro closed the door to his house and took a seat on his sofa. He got a text and was quick to open it. It was from his phone carrier though just stating that he had used most of his data. This only worsened Niall's crippling depression, knowing that he had no friends.
"Babe let's watch a movie." Hyojin suggested. Pyro, of course, agreed because he didn't want to get killed by her father. They cuddled and watched the bee movie until hyojin fell asleep. Niall gave her a kiss on the forehead since he wasn't a complete heartless fgt and he genualy loved her.
"Sweet dreams Ramen." He whispered and pulled her closer to his chest as he fell asleep.
*nine months later*
"Niall it's time!" Hyojin yelled. Niall grabbed her from the sofa and placed her in the car, rushing sir unjo gratis the forbidden monkey God, sir Claude the crab, and Calvin into the car as well. They made their way to the hospital and pyro shoved open the double doors.
"MY WIFE IS GONNA HAVE HER BABY!" He yelled, sir unjo gratis the forbidden monkey God perched on his shoulder.
"Calm down sir." The nurse said in a monotoned voice, slowly pushing Ramen noodles to her room. Sir Unjo Gratis proceeded to pick out mlg Doritos crumbs from Niall's paintbrush hair and eat them since Niall had forgotten to give him his daily dose of memes that morning. Sir Claude the Crab paced around the room pinching people's shoes. As for Calvin, well he was just wishing for death like always.
"Sir, your wife is about to have her baby. Do you want to come in?" The nurse asked. Niall simply nodded and rushed to the room with the nurse. Calvin stayed outside because Calvin just didn't give one about the situation.
Niall sat down next to his precious wife and held her hand.
"Niall why would you do this to me?" She yelled out, obviously in pain.
"But you're the one who-"
"SHUT UP NIALL!" She exclaimed. She squeezed his hand so tightly he thought it would go numb. "Ughhhhhhh!" She was sure as hell trying to get this god forsaken child out of her.
A few more pushes and out came the glorified child.
"It's a girl." The monotoned voiced nurse said.
"What are we gonna name her?" Hyojin asked her husband.
"Uh. I dunno. LtCorbis?" He suggested. They both agreed.
*a few years later*
"Dad can you pass me the bleach?" Corbis asked.
"Of course I could." Pyro said, giving her a glass of bleach.
"Dad I hate you." Calvin declared for the 10th time that day. Pyro nodded and turned his head to look at his wife.
"Honey I absolutely love you." Niall told her, admiring her beauty.
"Thanks babe." Hyojin smiled.
"OK so while you two do that I'm just gonna go inject some weeds with sir unjo gratis the forbidden monkey God and sir Claude the crab." Corbis informed everyone, getting up from the table and joining her pets. Calvin trudged along behind her, hoping to get some of that good Molly.
"Babe, I seriously love you and our family even though my crippling depression gets in the way of it all."
"You know I love you too paintbrush. Your crippling depression makes you even cuter." Hyojin kissed him, soon enough bursting out into laughter. Hyena like noises came from her being and she fell off her chair onto the floor.
"I take that back, I hate this whole family." He groaned, sitting down at his monitor and playing cs:go with tea kettle and Russian pig.
THE END
