When I Knew

Tryouts

I'm digging through my closest as my 5am alarm goes off, muffled under a pile of band tees on my bed. Normally I would just be rolling out of bed, and if the weather was nice, strapping on my runners on and taking the dog for a run down to the beach.

Today was different, today was the softball tryouts. My favourite day of the year, I was captain of the senior girls team and I got to run tryouts and establish the team. I'd been up since 4 am trying to pick an outfit.

Senior year, same girls who am I trying to impress. I thought as my mind drifted back to those gray eyes. It had only been a week and a half and I couldn't shake the thought of those eyes. Maybe she'll be there today. I thought excitedly. This thought instantly gave me butterflies and made me throw down the outfit I had in a panic thinking it wasn't going to be good enough.

Instead of the outfit I gave up and started my hair, Jenna had recently cut and dyed it for me. She's been studying to become a hair sylist, I always let her practice on me.

As I finally picked the hoodie I wanted, I checked the time. 7:30 shit! I'm going to be late! I rush down stairs and grab my lunch and I'm out the door as I hear my mom yell "If you don't want to bus, I can give you a ride today!"

I'm immediately excited at the idea of not having to ride the city bus to school. The joys of going to school out of district. My parents put me at Rickard High because of their girls softball team, they knew I had potential. My brother always liked me a little less because of my talent on the field. I was hoping to get a scholarship next year for college so that I could help my parents out.

On our way to school mom brings up that she heard me up so early. "Ryan, who ever she is don't fall for her like the rest of them."

Immediately I feel my face flush and look out the window and don't respond. Butterflies grow in my stomach as I think of those gray eyes.

I get out of the car thinking how foolish I'm being, it's senior year and the school year is almost over why would she be here.

Rickard High was one of the newest schools in town, two story, mostly glass building. The courtyard and sports complex were what made the school so known around town. The state of the art facility is what provided all the sports teams with their ability to always come out on top.

Not only were the Rickard Ravens the team to beat around town, the school was also extremely understanding when it came to sexuality. We had the best ran and most organized GSA around. Obviously because of me. I selfishly thought as I walked to my locker, with a huge dorky smile.

Jenna and Kelsey were at the lockers in our last year's championship tanks, obviously to set the bar for those trying out this year. Kelsey spotted me and elbowed Jenna and they both let out a low whistle towards me. "Who is she? Who is she?"Jenna excitedly jumped around me, as her fushia pixie bounced.

I blushed knowing that I must stand out compared to my regular tracks and a tank.

Gray eyes, I respond mentally. "She is tryouts. All the girls, I need to dress to impress" I come up with quickly trying to hide my rosey face.

Tryout day was the best because I only needed to be in class for the morning and I got to be outside at the field, watching all the girls for the rest of the afternoon.

After I'd ran out to subway for lunch, I was walking to the field as Jenna came running up behind me.

"Hey!" She pants, slowing to a brisk walk to keep up with my long legs. "I'm so excited to get out there and see what kind of talent we've got this year!" Not only was she my best friend she was also the Co captain of the team.

When we got to the field, I blew my whistle to get all the girls attention to come over. Quite a few of the faces I recognized, like Kelsey and most of the girls from last year's team, a few graduated last year so we were looking to replace them.

All the girls circled around kelsey and I. I was spinning in a slow circle "I'm Ryan, captain of the team and this is -" my words getting caught in my throat.

GRAY EYES!!!! My stomach instantly knots and I can't find my words at all.

"Jenna" Jenna saves me, "I recognize a lot of you , some new faces. How about you just toss a ball and we'll come around and introduce ourselves."

As the girls dispersed, Jenna turns around and looks me dead in the eye, "What the hell was that about?" Sometimes she's so competitive.

"It was her" I respond immediately, able to speak now that she's gone.

"Ryan, you're going to need to be a little more specific " she says, pointing around the field "plus you're allllllways talking about some girl" she rolls her eyes and punches me.

"That girl! From the day we got our uniforms, remember I left you guys to look for her!?" I get butterflies when I remember that day.

"OH Ryan!" Jenna rolls her eyes again at me and through laughs says "just be careful you know, just because she plays softball doesn't mean she's gay." please be gay. Please be gay. I think as Jenna talks to a few girls from last year's team.

"I've picked you up too many times after those straight girls," Jenna breaks me out of the dreamstate I'm in. I instantly remember the most recent time I was sitting at her house watching Friends and crying about another straight girl playing with my heart.

"Jenna I promise I'm over that, out and proud or nothing. I can't go through that anymore. I am ready for a wife" I cross my heart to prove I mean it. And then instantly burst out laughing.

While I was grabbing a drink, Jenna took the liberty of introducing herself to gray eyes. I was both extremely jealous and relieved. Girls don't normally get me all caught up like that. I've always been so confident. That's been my advantage to getting any girl I want, even the straight ones, too bad they destroy me.

"She -" Jenna points towards grayeyes, my stomach flips." is Jackie but she goes by Jack"

I get the girls to run a few drills and do some batting practice. Well, I get my Co captain to, I sit at the bench so i can critique the girls. I'm actually just watching Jackie, she has such grace and she can bat almost as good as me.

Not only does she have these intense blue-gray eyes, she had pin straight hair that sat under a ball cap, a tank top and shorts that showed just the right amount of curves and left the rest to the imagination.

She's gorgeous. I thought to myself as the girls were wrapping up tryouts and realized that it was pretty late and I'd probabaly missed the bus to make it home in time for dinner.

Everyone was packing their bags, and finishing saying goodbyes as I pulled out my phone, "Hey dad! I'm just finishing tryouts here, I'm going be late to come home for dinner."

My parents were a little strict when it came to things outside of school hours. They needed to know everything at pretty much all times. Suprisingly, they were pretty easygoing about my sexuality. I think my dad was happy he didn't have to worry about me getting knocked up. My mom, well my mom was my other best friend and she promised she would always love me no matter what.

I put my phone away and walked with the rest of the team to their cars, or parents cars. Some got in cars together as I cursed myself for not getting my license. I popped my headphones in and started the walk to the bus stop in front of the school.