"I can't anymore!" I scream as i throw my phone on my bed and lay down on the floor. I lay there gazing of my ceiling thinking of my day over and over again. "Why? Why is she trying to ruin my life? Why?" I thought aloud. I sit up quickly looking around at my door hoping that my mom isn't on the other side listening. I get up slowly and opens the door quickly but sadly it's just a lonely hallway. "I guess she had to work late." I grumble under my breathe. I turn on the light switch my room blast with light and i fall onto my bed covering my face. A tear runs over my plump, flushed cheeks. I sit up again and get up, "well I can't cry all day" i put her hair in a messy bun, " I have things to do.....like FEED CONNER!!!!" I rush down the long stair - well and see conner sitting at the table patiently. "I'm so so sorry bud" i say as i reach for a plate "Why didn't you come tell me?"
He shrugs as his little feet dangle from the chair. "You told me not to bother you when your sad."
I looked down I felt like the size of an ant. "It's okay bud. But uh have you seen mom any today?" I asked putting left over chicken in the microwave.
"Nope."
"Oh. Well I guess you'll see her tomorrow."
His little blue eyes flicker down and he mumbles, " no I won't and you know it......" he looks up at me and I pretend I didn't hear a word .
"Amber?"
"Yes, bud?"
"Will you read me a story tonight? Like mom and dad always did."
I didn't know what to say. I always feel choked up when dad is mentioned. I probably should have had said yes but I couldn't.....I couldn't match up to mom and dad. Since mom and dad have gotten the divorce and dad's became a bad drinker conner has wanted me to be just like them and if I do something that mom and dad wouldn't do he gets so mad. I mean he's 6 now and he doesn't understand what mom and dad are going through. I'm 16 now and I'm still a little unsure myself.
I set his plate down without saying a word and gave him fruit punch as the drink. "If you want dessert. Let me know, okay?" He looks up at me and sighs like I did it all wrong, "alright." Then he looks at his food I softly noogy his hair and rush upstairs. I go into my room and grab my laptop and plop on my bed. I go on Google and type in "how do you tell a 6 year old your parents are getting a divorce and they have no money so your mom works 3 jobs just to support the bills?" I clicked the search box and broke into tears. I knew it was to many words for Google and Google would tell me nothing.....but I really don't to screw up this kid and make him hate his life and feel like this is all his fault. So I guess basically I don't want him to feel like me, I thought. I put my lips togther tight and nod and fold my laptop down softly. I doubt Google can help this and our problems. My phone vibrates I pick it up quickly and it's my mom. I look at it suprised and read it aloud, "Amber I'm sorry hunny but I have overtime again this week. But it's all okay and there's food so it's about time you should feed your brother love you 2" I looked at the time, "wow mom yeah its 8:39. He ate 2 hours ago." I plop my phone back down shaking my head and sighing. I turn my head and see the picture when I was ten and conner was just born. Mom and dad were smiling ear to ear. They were....so happy. There happiness made me frown. When I was little they were so in love, you couldn't get them off each other ,I thought it was sickening....now I'd do anything to see them like that again. I sank back down in my bed. It's to late for me to go to bed and conner is still up. I get up and conner is in his race car bed smiling. "At first I thought you forgot me!"
I would never admit that I almost did, "never, bud, never." I said fake smiling and after a tale full of dragons and knights he finally went to sleep. I quickly walked back into my room and slowly closed my door shut and cuddled up under the sheets. I sigh loudly, "Tomorrow will be better. God please make it better and help conner." I close my eyes then open them quickly, "wait....god just one more thing. Please let me get my mom back and if my mom and dad can't be togther just make them happy and make my dad stop drinking, thanks." I think for a second I know he's a miracle worker but I know he can't be this good and I close my eyes and drift away.
