Anonymous

Part IX - Revelation of Secrets

Nessa had enjoyed playing soccer, but had never ever been in the official school team before. It just seemed like the sort of thing where girls were not . . .allowed. However, this wasn't due to sexism; the girls of the school just never seemed to be this keen on soccer, ever.
Even in Wiscott's Academy, Nessa realised that she was the only girl - and a little tragically, pretty much the youngest member of the team (most of the other boys were juniors or seniors).
And the only other person she knew, who was also in the team, was Edmund.
Vanessa had thought being on the school soccer team wouldn't benefit her in any way; but when she had told her dad that she was in the team, the pleasure in his voice seemed to prove her fact wrong.
The next day, Nessa could very happily leave English halfway (because it was a footballers' meeting), and come back in time to attend chemistry with Mrs Rogers.
The meeting however was only to inform everyone of the new addition to the team; big bulky boys with intimidating haircuts and rock-hard biceps shook hands with her and gave their introductions. Her height and her flat-curvy body made her a little inferior compared to the others, but Nessa still tried to kick as many asses as possible.
Even when Nathan Davis decided to conduct a very short practice, though Nessa couldn't exactly keep up with the big, strong boys,  she'd scuttle in between places and dribble the ball very quickly and in a confusing, haphazard pattern so that others could not keep up with her agility.
Surprisingly Nessa seemed a almost glad to be dismissed from the 'meeting'; it was awkward enough being so left out in the all-men's team.
"Congrats by the way; you got into the team!" Edmund said, as they were getting back to our classes. "Is there a party tonight?"
"Yeah, get a cake, some beer and whatever other food you like, and you can celebrate in your room. Presume its all sponsored by me." Nessa replied dryly.
"Now, what's happened that has pissed you off?"
"Oh, Edmund, you'd ask that? I thought you knew it was like an undetachable part of my nature."
"Maybe not." He replied quietly. "At times, I . . .I doubt myself too, but I know that you can be more than this."
"More than what?" Nessa challenged.
"This angry side of yours - the dark humour, sarcasm, the cruel ideas of revenge, competition, the temper; that is what everyone sees on the surface. But the brightest pearls always lie in the depths of the ocean waters - not on the surface, and I believe that underneath your skin, you've also got a heart - a real heart that loves, feels, cries and speaks the truth.
"I may not know to whom you open up that side of yours to, but well, once you opened up to me - just a little bit perhaps, and most probably faked, but I had seen you without the dark temper, and it was then that I knew you had the capability in you."
Nessa was left staring, her lips pressed together, her body threatening to vibrate in anger.
"I suggest you do not make such hideous assumptions about me. Give your soul a little cleansing instead of picking up dirt from mine."
"How casually you agree on the dirt in your soul -"
"I like the dirt" Nessa cut him off. "I like the way it covers up all things I need to be kept hidden from the rest of the world."
Edmund remained stunned - some shell-shocked stunned - at the slip of her tongue, the way her sarcastic anger turned into a real-black-swirl-of-emotions anger. Practically breathing out another fume of bull-smoke from her nostrils, Vanessa whipped back sharply and stomped away for English.

A few days later, Nessa came across the art room (while wandering around the school during her free time), and witnessed a few students working on some elegant (and yet, Nessa thought, trashy) posters and banners.
"What's that for, punk?" She called out, and a white-haired boy with streaks of green and pink dye in his hair and a peculiar collection of metal piercings near his temples, looked at her with empty eyes.
"Halloween." The punk kid said, like it should've been obvious, and Nessa raised a questioning eyebrow.
A girl with some messy red hair, who was wearing a loose jumper, said "You're the new kid, right? The new addition to the school soccer team? We have a Halloween party here at school every year, and the artists are supposed to contribute into the posters and decorations."
"Halloween party?" Nessa murmured, and then asked aloud"And do we, I suppose, dress up and go trick-o'-treating in the neighbourhood?"
"Of course not." The punk boy snapped, before getting back with some really fine-tipped brush, and started etching minute patterns on a chart paper.
"It's like an all-school semi-formal party. All students are supposed to attend, and you're also supposed to bring along a date - you know, if you have one. If you don't, it's perfectly fine, though. Many also attend the party single; to us it's no big deal." The girl explained brightly.
"Well, it sounds boring." Nessa replied, even though she thought the idea was quite exciting.
Back in Colorado, people used to have their own individual parties for different occasions; Nessa's school only hosted the prom - and that too was only for the highschool students.
Here, the idea of going to a Halloween party in the school grounds - even though she would no date and no one to gossip with - sounded fun...well, almost.
"Are you kidding me?" The girl clutched her heart in a gesture of exaggerated skepticism. "The Halloween party is one of the most awaited events of the year in Wiscott's. You're making a huge mistake dismissing off the party that way."
"Well, my standards are too high for such cliche highschool parties." Nessa sassed.
"Well, our Halloween celebrations are gonna pull you down from your throne."
"Try me!" Nessa challenged.

Do u think that it's wrong to keep secrets inside yourself ? To not be willing to share things?

Some secrets, I believe, are to be kept inside yourself; they just aren't meant for any random person. While other secrets are dangerous to keep - a factor that promises to threaten your life more and more each day. But, under some circumstances, we do feel better when we give off our secrets to others; it helps in distressing us, and putting some burden off our shoulders.

Hats off to ur wisdom. I've realised (don't pull out mistakes from this now, philosopher) that people can also be categorised on the basis of how they share the things inside their hearts.

I wouldn't pull out mistakes from this one, because you aren't wrong.

Well, in that case, what kind of a person would you be? Do u let ppl inside ur heart easily (since you're some genius psychologist, and u need to carry the people inside your mind)?

Well, no to your question. I may be, as you like to call it, wise - and full of wise words and lessons - but into my heart, I only let in those who either understand me or who find their way inside.

I don't think I either understand the world the way u do, or will ever be able to find my way inside.

You may find your way inside, child; only time will tell you so. And that day when you will stand in the heart of my heart, surrounded by my churning tides of emotions . . .you will know just how much people have hurt me - how they separated me from the ones that mattered the most to me. And seeing all my misery, you will learn to call your grief as blessings.

I'm dying to go inside.

Never mind. You asked if it is right to keep things to yourself. And I reply, that personally being someone who can pull out even the most deep-buried secrets out of a person, to me it wouldn't matter.

Pull out the most deep-buried secrets, huh? Try me. Nessa challenged, throwing a slight risk, but curious regardless.

You have experienced loss - and that too of someone without whom your world will never remain the same. I know that, because you have told me before. However, if I'm not wrong, I am guessing that there was something more than mere loss. I don't know what it might've been, but the latent factor adds on some scandalous taboo, blame and other unthinkable things to the mere loss. And that is your biggest secret - your worst regret, and you would do anything just to reverse things back to normal.