autism . frerard

Ch. 4

"Frank, will you tell me what happened?"

So here we are, skipping school, at a Starbucks. Gerard got this insane coffee and he offered to give me a water. No matter how many times I refused, he got it anyway. He also paid for it without me noticing. It made me slightly angry at him, but extremely grateful.

I looked up into Gerard's desperate, lost, confused hazel eyes. They didn't sparkle like they normally would.

"I-I... I forgot to take my meds," I mumbled, looking down at the table. Too nervous to see how he'd react. I probably sounded really stupid saying it out loud.

"When?" He questioned.

"L-Last night. That's w-why I was crying. I-I was upset a-a-and yet freaking out. My parents call it an o-outburst. It's basically when I p-panic and w-what I usually do i-is cry. Either j-just because I didn't t-take my fucking meds o-or I'm feling lonely; and it's usually both. I-I was crying last night and my parents didn't even n-notice or they didn't care." I felt my eyes start to water. "M-my mom asked me if I was okay this morning..." I choked back a sob. "I y-yelled at her, God, G-Gerard, I feel like a complete asshole, I've never been that mean to my mom... e-ever.

"And then I felt like you didn't care. Like nobody did. The thoughts just made it worse. E-Everyone just fucking hates me, Gerard..."

I heard him get up and move beside me. He pulled me against him and I nuzzled my face into his side and wrapped my arms around him tightly.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be there. I wish I was, Frank, I really do."

"I-Its fine."

"You could've told me," Gerard said, I could hear his voice starting to crack up. It sounded like he was about to cry.

"I d-didn't think you'd care," I said quietly.

"I do, Frank. I care about you."

"But you have friends, p-people better than me-"

"Shh, Frank, you're all that matters."

"You're all I care about," He mumbled.

Those words shouldn't have affected me as much as they did, but I've never felt this loved in forever. I strengthened my grip on him and rubbed my eyes against his shirt, trying desperately not to cry.

I felt him put his face in my hair, and lightly kiss the top of my head.

"I w-wanna go home, Gee."

"I can take you, if that's what you want."

I nodded and we got back in his car. I stared out the window and watching the rain start to come down. It was pouring, and I already felt drenched. Already felt rain falling down my face and my clothes sticking tightly to my bare sensitive skin. Then again, maybe it was just me; my heart. Dragging around my own weight- soggy and wet.

He parked the car and I tugged on his sleeve.

"A-are you gonna tell anyone?" I whimpered, looking up at him.

"No."

"Thanks," I mumbled, sniffling and wipeing at my nose that felt like it was burning raw. "C-can you stay with me?"

He looked over at me and nodded furiously.

"Yes, of course, Frank."

"My parents aren't home either."

Gerard nodded and we rushed out of the car.

I felt Gerard grab my arm and gently pull me back. His hair was starting to get soaked and there was a desperate look in his hazel orbs.