Her Neverland [ Louis Tomlinson]

Epilogue 1

Song on the side - Skinny Love by Bon Iver





Epilogue 1



I listened to the landlord's thunderous steps as he raced down the stairs to retrieve his cell phone. My body was numb and I couldn't move as I looked down towards my arms; my fingers constantly running up and down the chilled arms in my grasp. Andrea was kneeled close beside me with sobs racking her body. Honestly, I was jealous of her tears; I wish I could cry that intensely because of what I was seeing. But my eyes were dry with the lack of blinking, unwilling to look away. It just hasn't hit me yet.



And still, as I'm having something so important to me yanked from my arms, I can't seem to even speak. Her long, tangled curls of red hair bounce with each step of the man who is carrying her out. I want nothing more then to run my fingers through it one more time.



A nudge against my shoulder causes me to look up dazedly to see a disordered and confused looking Andrea. There was a torrential down fall of tears from her eyes and her nose was a bright pink. She placed her hand out for me to take; I merely stared.



Taking a staggering breath, "Come on, Louis. One of us has to ride in the ambulance." She explained with a trembling bottom lip. This Andrea before me - so sad and miserable - made me want to grab her and hold her tight; unlike her standoffish disposition from earlier.



I took her hand in mine and roughly pulled her into my arms for a tight hug, knowing we both needed it. My midsection was being held deathly tight and my expressionless eyes glared on the floor. Andrea's soft whimpers caused a shiver to run down my spine as I began to realize more and more that this was real.



Pulling away from me, Andrea kept her head down but grabbed my hand as we made our way down stairs. Although I truthfully didn't want to be trapped in the ambulance with what use to be Harmony, I couldn't ride on my own to the hospital. With the blue and red lights flashing in my eyes, I built up the courage to jump into the back and ride with them; Andrea promised to meet us there.



The EMTs swiftly sprang into action, attempting to resuscitate Harmony. But I genuinely knew that it was too late. Harmony was a lost cause from the start.



Arriving at the hospital was a blur. All I can remember was people rushing about and my arm around Andrea as she cried. It was so overwhelming and if I didn't feel so numb I would have probably been sobbing.



As was expected news spread that the Louis Tomlinson was sitting in the lobby of some hospital waiting for the news on his girlfriend. Thankfully enough though, nurses had helped keep paps at bay. But they still waited outside like hawks. If only I could for once slip from everyone's prying eyes.



Not very long after we'd arrived at the hospital a doctor came out asking for family of Harmony James. Andrea instantly stood but my response was more sluggish.



"I'm sorry but there was nothing we could do. She was gone before you even brought her here." He stated remorsefully.



Don't get me wrong, my whole world tilted when I'd seen Harmony on the floor, pale in the dim light of the room; but at the affirmative announcement my world turned upside down.



Andrea fell to her knees and I left, breaking through the crowd of people outside of the hospital. I ran as urgently as I possibly could as if I could outrun the certainty of what had happened. As if I could outrun life itself. Run right out of myself... But no matter how far or fast I'd seemed to run it did nothing but bring a burn to my legs and a tightening to my chest.



Harmony's gone.



She's gone.



I couldn't be gone, no matter how hard I may try.



My phone had ringed a few times while I ran, completely ignoring it. But once I finally stopped to breath I knew I couldn't ignore it anymore. The fifth time or so it started ringing again, I slowly picked up with a hello.



"What's going on, Louis?" Harry's concerned voice sounded through the phone.



"Harmony's gone." My voice didn't even sound like mine. It sounded rough and tired.



"What do you mean gone? Where'd she go?" He inquired unknowingly and I couldn't honestly bare the idea of saying what exactly I meant.



"She committed suicide. I was too late." I ran my hands harshly through my hair as I slid down the wall I was leaning against into a position where I could put my arms around my legs. Holding them deathly tight to me I took a couple deep breaths and listened to the silence on the other end of the phone.



"Oh god, Lou. I'm- I..." He sighed, "I'm so sorry."



"Yeah, I can't quite wrap my head around it." I mumbled almost silently. "If only I hadn't of made her leave in the first place, none of this would have happened."



"No, Louis, you can't start talking like that. You knew Harmony wasn't okay in the first place. Maybe something like this was inevitable." Harry offered but I wasn't taking his words to heart.



"Harmony was doing okay. She wasn't supposed to fucking leave. I was supposed to come back and fucking apologize for being the prick that I was!" I yelled into the phone as the first drop of tears began to fall from my eyes. "I- I'm supposed to be holding her in my arms right now." My voice trembled and my breaths were making it hard to talk.



"Louis, do me a favor and have Andrea take you for the afternoon. The boys and I will be there soon." Harry instructed and I could do nothing but sigh in response. "Everything will be okay, Louis. I promise."



"Hmm." I hummed in farewell as I heard Harry end his side of the call.



I stared at my shaking hands for a bit before I realized I was still sat on the ground in a tight hold. Standing up unsteadily, I slowly started making my way back to the god-forsaken hospital with its melancholy halls and sad faces.



Andrea and I spent a good couple hour there arranging things and calling family. Harmony's parents sounded devastated, I couldn't blame them. Their only child left had died before them, in an eerily similar way. As soon as I heard Harmony's mom crying to the point that she couldn't talk on the phone any longer, I had to excuse myself.



Situating myself in the hallway, I waited for Andrea to finish everything up. I know it was rude of me to leave it up to her but I wasn't any help.



Andrea ended up dragging me down the dimmed streets to her flat. Stepping foot inside we remained quiet and I watched her as she took a deep sigh before stepping into the kitchen.



"Would you like some tea, Louis?" She asked while her back was turned from me, looking at the stovetop. I shrugged my shoulders but then remembered she couldn't see me so I mumbled a yes. My voice sounded rather rough and scratchy from all the crying I did today. There was silence for a while until the tea was done and a whistle sounded throughout the flat.



"How do you like yours?" Andrea inquired as the tea was poured into two mugs.



"Two sugars, please." I requested as I took a seat on the bar stool situated in her kitchen. She slid the mug to me and took a seat in the bar stool across from me. Andrea kept her head down as she stirred the tea and watched the swirls of steam wisp up towards her. A couple strands of her reddish brown hair swayed before her tear stained face and I couldn't help but notice how much older she was looking from the stress.



She huffed a breath, "Did you know that Harmony used to be obsessed with the idea of Neverland?"



I looked at her with a confused glance. "What does that have to do with anything?" Maybe my response was a bit rude but I couldn't seem to understand where she was going with this.



"Well, nothing I suppose; but she would always talk about never growing older. She told me she would play pretend with her brother, Ben, in this forest behind their home. Harmony always was Peter Pan and Ben was always Hook. He'd tell her that she'd have to grow up someday and she would explain how that would never happen." Andrea starred nostalgically down at her mug. Her eyebrows furrowed together, "She wanted to be her own Peter Pan but it seemed that she found one."



I sat before Andrea starring harshly down at my mug and wondered if her speech was supposed to make me feel better, feel some sort of closure. It most certainly did not. But before I could respond she kept speaking.



"So thank you, Louis. Thank you for being her Peter Pan." Andrea looked up at me with a small smile as she turned to dump her tea down the sink and turn back to me. "Harmony would quote the story sometimes; she'd say this a lot, 'Wendy, Wendy, when you are sleeping in your silly bed you might be flying about with me saying funny things to the stars.' I hope that you fly with Harmony in your dreams." She states before pecking me on the forehead and walking down the hall to her room.



I numbly watched Andrea leave and I let my mind surround her words. Placing my mug into the sink, I wandered over to the sofa in Andrea's living room and laid down. My hands were laying atop one another and my feet crossed at the bottom of the sofa; my gaze stared blankly towards the ceiling.



Once my mind stopped racing, I began to drift off to sleep. My thoughts about Harmony being gone and I being too late were finally beginning to be drowned out by this darkness that wanted nothing more then to soothe me. A strange thing the mind is.





There wasn't anything to dream about or to wake up for. The one thing that consumed my thoughts finally followed me to my subconscious as I gazed at the familiar red curls and beautiful green eyes I had missed. She smiled at me and I could finally see how honestly happy she was in Never Never land.