CHAPTER 2:
AT THE BEGINNING
I still remember the day it all started. When Hitler declared war. I remember hearing it on the radio. They were rounding up young men. To fight on the frontlines they said. To defend their country they said. And so all the men went to enlist. My youngest brother Tommy wanted to go. But I didn’t think it was a good idea at all. “Tommy, why do you want to go to war?” I said. “You have your entire life ahead of you” “Ev, you wouldn’t understand,” he’d said. “ It’s my civil duty to serve my country.” “You’re 15 Tommy!” I said. “You don’t owe this country anything. Besides there’s no way they’re going to think you’re 18.” “I have my ways,” he said angrily. “And just because you’re the oldest, doesn’t mean you always know best Evelyn.” “I know it doesn’t Tommy,” I said. “But I’m the closest thing you have to a mother. She’s gone.” “I know she’s gone Evelyn!” he said in his annoyed tone leading me to think that this conversation wouldn’t amount to anything. “I know she’s not coming back. I’m not three anymore. I understand the concept of death. But it still gives you no right to tell me what to do. You’re only 23. You could never be mom!” and I still remember him angrily storming out the door whilst I felt the fury build inside me. How dare he?! I spent the best years of my teenage life caring for him. Working two jobs- which mind you didn’t come easy or with high pay after the Great War, but I did it. Why? Call it love if you will, call it duty, what ever it was I did it. And this is the way he repaid me? I felt like screaming. All those years while all my friends were out going to the pictures and meeting boys, I was at home, caring for Tommy. Anyway, no use crying over spilt milk mother always used to say. Oh how I missed my mother. She’d always know what to say. She’d know how to get through to Tommy. And even though he made me so angry I wanted to strangle him, I actually didn’t know what I’d do if anything happened to him. After all, he was all I had. Even if he was annoying at times. And so I had made it my life goal to protect him as much as I could. Only thing is I had never considered it in my mind what I would do once Tommy had turned into a ‘young man’. He’d been without a father his whole life. We didn’t have the same father. My dad had died in the Great War when I was about 3. HE was a hero. Unlike Tommy’s dad who skipped town as soon as he had found out my mother was pregnant. The day she married that man was a day I’ll never forget- although it was not a good day. Mother had decided that she was going to wear her mothers wedding dress. “But mommy why can’t you wear the same dress you wore when you married my daddy?” I’d said innocently. “Because sweetheart your father is gone and he’s not coming back. And I can’t begin our new life with the clothes of me old life.” I can still remember her sweet Irish accent as she gently hugged me. “It’s going to be alright. Jon will make a lovely daddy.” And that was the day it all went wrong. Jon showed up to the wedding 20 minutes late and was drunker than drunk. His breath reeked. “Jonathon, what are yah doing?” my mother had said, stress in her eyes. “Just marry me Marianne and get it over with!” he yelled and grabbed her by the arm and walked her to the front. I cringed as I remember those days. It’s not as if it was a great thing that he’d left my mom to care alone for two children. But in my mind, it was better he was gone. My mother didn’t need to be abused anymore!
Every now and then I used to ask my mom to tell me about my real dad. His name was Luke. I hadn’t known him at all. But my mother had told me about how she’d met him in Ireland and they’d fallen in love straight away. And how he’d helped her get out of Ireland and escape to England where they go married. She explained to me what a caring man he was. How he was always there for her. And she told me about the day he said he was going to war, was the day she found out she was pregnant. Three years later she found out he died. That dreaded letter. I can’t really remember how she was when she found out, but she’d told me years later that apparently I was patting her on the back and saying; “It k mommy. It k.” I dreamed of my dad every night. I only had one photograph of him. One taken on my parents wedding day. He was so handsome.
As I was sitting there reminiscing on my past, there was a knock at the door. I gasped. It was probably Tommy. I got up from my chair, and walked across the long stretch from the chair to the door. I was tired from working a double shift. I got to the door and opened it. It wasn’t Tommy. It was my friend Elizabeth. Just about my only friend. I’d forgotten. She came by every day to see how I was. At the same time every day. I’d gotten so caught up in my thoughts that I’d completely forgotten. And actually, now come to think of it, if it was Tommy he would have just come in. Not bothered knocking. Part of me felt relief that it wasn’t Tommy since I had no idea what to say to him, but then the other part of me wasn’t relieved because I worried about him. Our last conversation was not a good one. And he stormed out with such rage that I was scared he would do something stupid. No, he wouldn’t. Would he?
“How are you today Ev?” said Elizabeth.
“Uh not so good Liz.” I said, lowering my eyes. “I got into an argument with Tommy and he stormed out and I haven’t seen him since. It’s been hours. And you know how I worry.
“Don’t worry about him.” She said. “He knows how to look after himself.”
And she was probably right. It’s just me you know? I stress very easily.
Elizabeth couldn’t stay long. She had to go to her next shift. But I really appreciated that she came by to see me. I went and sat back in my chair. I started to doze off and I must have slept for a while because the next thing I remember is waking up and finding out it was no longer 2:30 but 5:00 pm. I panicked for a minute thinking I was late for work, but then remembered that it was my day off. I relaxed and lay back in the chair. I heard a rustling noise. I figured it must be Tommy. He must have come in while I was sleeping. I thought to myself, goodness I really must have been tired if I didn’t even hear him come in. I went to his room. Sure enough, there he was. He was holding some sort of letter and he had a concerned look on his face. I went to sit next to him. “Hi” I said. “Hi” he said, not nearly as enthusiastic. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “Ev I-“he stopped. “I’m sorry.” “Sorry?” I said feeling concerned. “Sorry for what?” “I’ve been enlisted.” He said solemnly. “I ship out tomorrow.”
